Learn from my mistake..
I was filming in the outback on a Sheep Station capturing film segments for istock. My favorite footage at the time was of Cockies (farmers) going about their business. This particular day the Owner/Operator of a friend of a friend’s farm, Dave and his brother, Jeff, had set aside half an hour to immunise Dave wife’s new cats prior to letting them wander about on the farm They thought it would make interesting footage for me, although I couldn’t see under what circumstances I could possibly use it.
Not wanting to appear ungrateful I set up my equipment on the expansive verandah of the house while Jeff went to round up the young cats. Dave explained to me that to medicate a cat in any circumstances you use an old boot which you lace them up in. Everything on a farm is brutal, logical and efficient. Being an animal lover I was not sure about this whole thing, but I kidded myself that for the purity of a filming experience that I should just go with the flow. Also I didn’t want to offend Dave and Jeff their thoughtful idea.
Dave said ‘I’m going to shove the cat into this boot, do up the laces and that way the little bugger won’t bite me. Jeff’s goner hold him while I give him his needle. Don’t worry he’ll be a bit angry for a spell, but a saucer of milk and Bob’s your Uncle and Fanny’s your Aunty, he’ll be as good as new before he’s finished drinking.’
At this point Dave’s wife, Lizzy pops her head out the back door wiping her hands on her apron. She says “Darl, I really don’t think that Amanda is going to find this very interesting.” Dave assures her that I am totally psyched about the imminent inoculations. I smile encouragingly but secretly I agree with Liz.
Jeff returns with the young cats and gives me one to hold. I lock off the tripod, check my shot for action, press record and regrettably hang on to the second puss. Dave expertly and with huge callused hands shoves the angry cat into the old boot. He quickly laces it up so that its annoyed head and neck are sticking out but its legs are all safely tucked away. He hands the cat over to Jeff who gently holds the cat’s mouth closed and turns a tuft of neck towards Dave who is filling the syringe. The cat is extremely annoyed and is making a noise like a, well, like an annoyed cat stuck in a smelly boot. It is also squirming wildly. Dave appears unconcerned and I am sure he is, as this is a farmer’s life and just one of the things that farmers do with the closest vet having to be flown in by helicopter. Jeff who is smiling happily at me, bless his cotton socks, just now realizes that his fly is down. Not wanting to appear, tackle out, on film, he lets one hand go on the cat to rectify his situation.
The cat feeling the release of pressure takes advantage of the situation and squirms his way out of the boot only to get tangled up in the laces. Unfortunately instinct took over for me, I dropped the cat I was holding and spring to Jeff’s assistance to re-secure the cat. The bugger of a thing, whipped around at the speed of light and sunk it’s teeny tiny sharp teeth into my hand. The pain was like a million little hot needles being instantly stabbed into the delicate skin on the back of my hand. Jeff struggling with his fly and the laces of the boot is not much help.
Dave drops the syringe he is now brandishing and grabs hold of the cat’s head which he starts to squeeze with his incredibly large hands, in a bid to loosen its viper grip on me. I can feel myself starring in horror, as the cat all of a sudden goes limp. But take heart reader that is not the end of this story.
Farmers are practical people and don’t let a little thing like death faze them. When lambs are born and not breathing, they will routinely revive them with CPR, I kid you not! Jeff helpfully reminds Dave of that fact and says ‘Lizzy will not be impressed if you kill one of her cats.’ Dave proceeds to do the strangest and yet most practical thing I have ever seen. He gives the cat a couple of breaths (while Jeff provides encouragement like ‘Dave you’re not getting a good seal, open your mouth wider’ and ‘don’t slip it the tongue Davo! ha-ha). Dave then gives the cat a jolly good squeeze around its rib cage with both hands and it amazingly starts to breathe. I am by this stage dripping blood from half a dozen puncture wounds and beginning to wonder when my last tetanus shot was. The fly screen door bangs open and Lizzy pops her rotund figure through the door wiping flour off her hands.
‘Darl, everything ok?’ Everybody freezes. Dave puts the cat down on the verandah and it weaves drunkenly in small circles. Lizzy takes one look at the cat says ‘Poor little bugger” and asks if I’d like lemonade. She would appear to be none the wiser for the near death experience. I nod my head struck dumb as Dave and Jeff appear to be holding their breath. Lizzy smiles and nods and goes back into the house. As the fly screen bangs closed everyone simultaneously exhales. The cat, who has been slowly regaining coordination, drunkenly falls off the verandah and hits the dirt with a bit of a thud. We all rushed to the rail and looking down watch him shakily get to his feet and wander over to the saucer of milk which he drains.
We all look at each other, like stunned mullets and with the most typical and sincere face Jeff says “Well F..K me”
My tip, my golden rule, my ultimate hint for special, special event videoing. Check your camera is recording before you participate in medicating a cat or you too could miss what would have been the YouTube of the century!!
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