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Labour Day Cards - Get Free Labor Day Cards, 2008 Calendar, Horoscopes and Romantic Cards

2008-08-14T23:24:00.001-07:00

May 1st is celebrated as International Labor Day all over the world. This day especially belongs to the ‘working man’ in the most traditional sense. This year it falls on Thursday.
Labor Day Cards are famous all over with people gifting one another, particularly their colleagues and business associates. Preparing for the celebrations of this day could begin with hunting for the right Labor Day Cards from the various stores in your near vicinity. Interesting images of Labor Day parades, holiday wishes, fascinating quotes on hard work and efficient services etc are generally found on the most preferred Labor Day Cards.

Other appealing options that are depicted on labor day cards are images illustrating ‘you deserve a break’, ‘you ought to relax on this day’, ‘have a chilled out Labor Day’ and ‘Happy Holiday on this Labor Day’. While one aspect of this celebrated day could be the holiday feature, the other characteristic of the same is that it could be treated as that special day when you could say thanks to your colleagues and business mates, superiors and subordinates at work and also tell them how much their support means to you. Yes! Labor Day is the perfect occasion to do this and the various cards available in the market will help you in speaking out your emotions and feelings.

Labor Day e greetings offer a wide selection of cards to be sent out on this day. The Labor Day e greetings are the best alternatives to be sent to your business associates located far away, as they mirror your thoughts precisely but beautifully. These greetings can be even sent to your friends and family members who you know have worked really hard and deserve to party harder! 2008 Labor Day e greeting cards are the newest additions to the collection of Labor Day Cards. Select your pick from the extensive range and send to your friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues… now.

Free Labour Day cards are available online in a widespread collection. These cards are available for free and are ready to be sent to the particular addresses, just at the click of the mouse. Not only can you put in words and phrases to the already existing ones, you could also add color to the text in these cards…

Labor Day Cards are available in several genres. A few of them have been mentioned below for your perusal:

Labor Day Cards At Work: These cards are ideal to be given to your office mates and colleagues with whom you spend the entire day and with whom you are partner to all triumphs and tribulations and failures…

Belated Labor Day Cards: Select a few pieces of cards in this genre and keep them handy just incase you might forget to wish someone on Labor Day!

Invitations: Invitations on Labor Day parties can be sent out through the Labor Day invitation cards… go select your particular pick and send across to all the invitees…

Labor Day Birthday and Anniversary: These cards are especially for people who share their birthday/ anniversary on May 1. Wish them all the luck with a novel range of cards especially designed to greet people on both the occasions on the same day.

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Talk About yourself

2008-08-14T22:28:00.001-07:00

Most of us shy away from talking about ourselves. When someone says “ Tell us about yourself” don’t we all get rather flustered? This is the end result of a lifelong of conditioning, where parents have taught us not to “blow one’s trumpet”, not to boast, not to talk too much about oneself…

This is a common enough question at any interview, and your answer carries a lot of weight. So, if you are one of those who blush, stutter or stammer when asked this question, read on…

Dealing with the question…
Remember, the person who asks you the question, probably has your CV right there in front of him.
He does not want to hear what is already there on your CV
Do not get disconcerted ...http://www.sitagita.com/view.asp?id=9533

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2008-08-14T22:25:00.001-07:00

Who am I
Knowledge, is my principal possession

Love, is my foundation

Longing, is my coach

Reasons, is the root of my belief

Remembrance of the Almighty creator,

Is my weapon

Patience, is my dress

Contentment, is my prize

Obedience, is my measure

Striving, is my character

Sharing, is my glory

truthfulness, is my confidence

Goodwill, is my reliability

helping others, is my passion

Abstinence, is my calling

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Special Event Videography - My Top Tip to Capturing Outstanding Youtube Footage

2008-08-14T22:18:00.001-07:00

Learn from my mistake..

I was filming in the outback on a Sheep Station capturing film segments for istock. My favorite footage at the time was of Cockies (farmers) going about their business. This particular day the Owner/Operator of a friend of a friend’s farm, Dave and his brother, Jeff, had set aside half an hour to immunise Dave wife’s new cats prior to letting them wander about on the farm They thought it would make interesting footage for me, although I couldn’t see under what circumstances I could possibly use it.

Not wanting to appear ungrateful I set up my equipment on the expansive verandah of the house while Jeff went to round up the young cats. Dave explained to me that to medicate a cat in any circumstances you use an old boot which you lace them up in. Everything on a farm is brutal, logical and efficient. Being an animal lover I was not sure about this whole thing, but I kidded myself that for the purity of a filming experience that I should just go with the flow. Also I didn’t want to offend Dave and Jeff their thoughtful idea.

Dave said ‘I’m going to shove the cat into this boot, do up the laces and that way the little bugger won’t bite me. Jeff’s goner hold him while I give him his needle. Don’t worry he’ll be a bit angry for a spell, but a saucer of milk and Bob’s your Uncle and Fanny’s your Aunty, he’ll be as good as new before he’s finished drinking.’

At this point Dave’s wife, Lizzy pops her head out the back door wiping her hands on her apron. She says “Darl, I really don’t think that Amanda is going to find this very interesting.” Dave assures her that I am totally psyched about the imminent inoculations. I smile encouragingly but secretly I agree with Liz.

Jeff returns with the young cats and gives me one to hold. I lock off the tripod, check my shot for action, press record and regrettably hang on to the second puss. Dave expertly and with huge callused hands shoves the angry cat into the old boot. He quickly laces it up so that its annoyed head and neck are sticking out but its legs are all safely tucked away. He hands the cat over to Jeff who gently holds the cat’s mouth closed and turns a tuft of neck towards Dave who is filling the syringe. The cat is extremely annoyed and is making a noise like a, well, like an annoyed cat stuck in a smelly boot. It is also squirming wildly. Dave appears unconcerned and I am sure he is, as this is a farmer’s life and just one of the things that farmers do with the closest vet having to be flown in by helicopter. Jeff who is smiling happily at me, bless his cotton socks, just now realizes that his fly is down. Not wanting to appear, tackle out, on film, he lets one hand go on the cat to rectify his situation.

The cat feeling the release of pressure takes advantage of the situation and squirms his way out of the boot only to get tangled up in the laces. Unfortunately instinct took over for me, I dropped the cat I was holding and spring to Jeff’s assistance to re-secure the cat. The bugger of a thing, whipped around at the speed of light and sunk it’s teeny tiny sharp teeth into my hand. The pain was like a million little hot needles being instantly stabbed into the delicate skin on the back of my hand. Jeff struggling with his fly and the laces of the boot is not much help.

Dave drops the syringe he is now brandishing and grabs hold of the cat’s head which he starts to squeeze with his incredibly large hands, in a bid to loosen its viper grip on me. I can feel myself starring in horror, as the cat all of a sudden goes limp. But take heart reader that is not the end of this story.

Farmers are practical people and don’t let a little thing like death faze them. When lambs are born and not breathing, they will routinely revive them with CPR, I kid you not! Jeff helpfully reminds Dave of that fact and says ‘Lizzy will not be impressed if you kill one of her cats.’ Dave proceeds to do the strangest and yet most practical thing I have ever seen. He gives the cat a couple of breaths (while Jeff provides encouragement like ‘Dave you’re not getting a good seal, open your mouth wider’ and ‘don’t slip it the tongue Davo! ha-ha). Dave then gives the cat a jolly good squeeze around its rib cage with both hands and it amazingly starts to breathe. I am by this stage dripping blood from half a dozen puncture wounds and beginning to wonder when my last tetanus shot was. The fly screen door bangs open and Lizzy pops her rotund figure through the door wiping flour off her hands.

‘Darl, everything ok?’ Everybody freezes. Dave puts the cat down on the verandah and it weaves drunkenly in small circles. Lizzy takes one look at the cat says ‘Poor little bugger” and asks if I’d like lemonade. She would appear to be none the wiser for the near death experience. I nod my head struck dumb as Dave and Jeff appear to be holding their breath. Lizzy smiles and nods and goes back into the house. As the fly screen bangs closed everyone simultaneously exhales. The cat, who has been slowly regaining coordination, drunkenly falls off the verandah and hits the dirt with a bit of a thud. We all rushed to the rail and looking down watch him shakily get to his feet and wander over to the saucer of milk which he drains.

We all look at each other, like stunned mullets and with the most typical and sincere face Jeff says “Well F..K me”

My tip, my golden rule, my ultimate hint for special, special event videoing. Check your camera is recording before you participate in medicating a cat or you too could miss what would have been the YouTube of the century!!

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New Airline Charges (humor)

2008-08-14T00:21:00.001-07:00

Due to increased fuel costs, airlines have been forced to cut back on some amenities, and charge for some services traditionally included in airfare.

In addition to some of these changes, this list also includes some changes which, I have from reliable sources, are sure to follow.

* $15 each way for the first checked bag, $25 each way for the second checked bag.

* $25 for x-raying the first bag, $35 for x-raying each additional bag.

* $10 surcharge for x-raying bags over 2 feet in height (since more electrons are used in the process).

* $10 for copies of your bags' x-rays.

* $50 to have your bags' x-rays framed.

* $10 surcharge to have your bags' x-rays touched up so your clothes look more expensive.

* $50 penalty for leaning on the person next to you. If you know the person next to you, the penalty will be waved but you'll be charged a $50 fee. What's the difference? One's a penalty, the other one's a fee.

* Since much fuel is consumed during takeoff and landing, there will be a $50 landing fee.

* Those who opt out of the landing fee will have the option to purchase a parachute for $500. Experienced skydivers will have the additional option of renting the parachute for $25.

* $100 for little pet parachutes.

* Families will be able to save by jumping together with one super-sized parachute.

* $8 for peanuts in velcro-covered bags so they don't float away before you pull the ripcord.

* Passengers who miss the airport parachute landing area will be charged $75 to get back into the airport.

* Passengers who's luggage is lost due to the gross negligence of the airline, will get a free set of x-rays of their luggage so they can at least remember what their luggage looked like.

* After some modifications to plane hatches, all connecting flights will be done in midair, space-shuttle style. All those afraid of heights will be given neck braces to keep their heads facing up toward the constellation Cepheus. Why Cepheus? That's an extra $10.
* No longer will waiting in a terminal building, after being canceled or delayed, be free of charge. Sitting will be ten cents a minutes. Standing will be three cents a minute. Bending over forward will incur a surcharge of 75 cents. Bending over backwards will get you arrested as a suspected terrorist -- there's just no reason for anyone to bend over backwards.

Will all this improve safety and performance? Probably not. But the exra money will go toward other improvements which will help cut expenses even further. For example, every cockpit will be equipped with a bar to cut down on the time wasted waiting for pilots to return to their planes.

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Redneck How-to Guide

2008-08-13T22:55:00.001-07:00

There seems to come a time in everyone's journey down the highway of life that you reflect on your state of affairs and conclude that you'd like to become a redneck. As demonstrated by the armored car robber who used his loot to buy a house full of velvet Elvis paintings, money can't take the redneck out of a man. But, can an outsider join the brotherhood of rednecks with a little studying, a mullet wig, and some cold hard cash? As we'll see, the answer is "hell yeah!"

The first question we have to ask ourselves is "What exactly does it take to be a redneck?" Is it a part of your DNA or is it the way you part your hair? Is it a state of mind, or is it the state of Alabama? These are the questions that keep many redneck wanna-be's up all night until the butt crack of dawn. But beyond these deep philosophical questions, what are the nuts and bolts of actually becoming a certified redneck? As the bumper sticker says, "What Would Bubba Do?"

Well, the first step down the road to redneckville is to visit the rednecks and learn their ways. Don't worry, they won't bite. So take your time to study their language, play their games, and drink their beer. Just don't drink all of their beer, or they WILL bite. One of the best places to interact with rednecks in their native habitat is at the Summer Redneck Games, held annually since 1996 outside of Atlanta. Featured games include the Hubcap Hurl and Redneck Horseshoes, using of course a toilet seat as the horseshoe. And don't miss their Bobbin' for Pig's Feet Fest.

Now that you've studied the redneck, you're ready to put on a cut-off flannel shirt and try it yourself. Fortunately, entire industries have arisen to satisfy our redneck cravings. You won't have to search long to find redneck books and videos, redneck auto and truck accessories, redneck apparel, and yes, redneck food. In the food category, you'll find redneck cookbooks (think beer can chicken recipes), bacon flavored mints, exotic meats gift sets, and BBQ scented scratch-n-sniff undies. If, after feasting on all this, you're feeling too lazy to take your truck four wheeling through the mud, you can use a product called Sprayonmud, so you'll at least look like you've gone muddin'.

We'll, you're almost there. You just need a bit more practice in the redneck arts. So while you're waiting for your mullet to grow, take in a midget wrestling match. Learn to play "Sweet Home Alabama" with your armpit and palm. Luckily, there is not just one path to becoming a redneck, but many.

For more redneck humor, visit http://www.redneckgear.com/ where you'll find funny redneck products, jokes and humor, and redneck photos.

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Seth Rogen's Rise From Small Time Stand-up Comedy to Landing Lead Roles!

2008-08-13T22:31:00.001-07:00

Born in Vancouver, British Columbia, Seth Rogen has quickly risen to popularity with his leading roles in movies such as Knocked Up and Superbad. However, where did he come from? And, more so than that, how does the son of two “radical Jewish socialists” as Rogen puts it, get to become one of these very famous actors?

It all started when he was thirteen years old. Known for driving his parents and teachers absolutely crazy with his attempts at humor, he signed up for a comedy class in his home town. Immediately, Rogen took to it and quickly began to work on his own material. After a very short amount of time, he began to appear in a lot of well known Vancouver comedy clubs such as Lafflines, Punchlines, and others. Finally, after three years of stand up, he decided that he was going to venture to America to make a career in stand-up. Rogen had won second place in the Vancouver Amateur Comedy Contest at sixteen and that gave him the confidence to venture below the border.

For most of us, though, he is well known for his acting. His first on-screen experience came at the age of eleven when he was in a few commercials. However, for most actors, it is the big screen that they aspire for and Rogen had those hopes as well. After auditioning only once, he landed a role on the hit TV series, “Freaks and Geeks.” It was produced by Judd Apatow who he would later befriend and work alongside in many future projects.

“Freaks and Geeks” was cancelled in the middle of the first season and Apatow started a second television series, “Undeclared.” He cast Rogen in a similar role as he had played in “Freaks and Geeks” and this went on for an entire season, but was cancelled before the second season. Fortunately for Rogen, it was in this television series that he received his first major writing gig. Before he was hired to act, he was one of the writers for the show where he wrote an entire episode by himself and co-authored four others.

His first big screen appearance was in 2001 when he had a minor role in Donnie Darko, a Jake Gyllenhaal movie. In 2005, he appeared in the hit movie, 40 Year Old Virgin which was Apatow’s directorial-debut. This movie was an incredible success and it helped to land him in the lead role in the ‘accidental pregnancy’ movie, Knocked Up. Here he played a lazy web-entrepreneur who, after a late night at the club, goes home with a woman. The result? You guessed it…A baby. Starting in September, Rogen is also set to appear in Judd Apatow's next directorial effort (working title "Funny People") with Adam Sandler, Eric Bana, Jason Schwartzman, Leslie Mann and Jonah Hill.

However, what happens when a typical comedic character gets his chance at something a little more daring? You get the Green Hornet. Known for being on the heavy side, Rogen will have to bulk up if he is going to fit into the trench coat of this superhero. More importantly, Rogen and his long-time writing partner, Even Goldberg, are tasked with writing the movie for the Green Hornet. So, with Rogen playing the lead character and the two writing the screen-play, some argue that the character of Britt Reid might not be what he should be. Or, more so, what he can do, with all the bulking up necessary.

Rogen’s response? “You should believe that I can do some physical activity. You have to believe I can do something.” Can he though? Can the man who has, for most of his life, done stand-up comedy jump into a more serious role? Can he really be action potential? He argues that, yes, he can. He has all the intentions to bulk up for the role. There are two very talented writers working on the screen-play. But, when it comes to a director, Rogen is not so committed. He wants to find someone who will bring something fresh to the table.

All in all, Rogen went from doing some small time stand-up comedy in Vancouver to landing lead roles in two television series and then in some of the 21st century’s greatest comedies. From commercials, to stand-up, to television, to Knocked Up, Seth Rogen now has his eyes set on playing the green fedora wearing Green Hornet. Let’s see if he can do it.

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Imagine That…(3) - Medical Turf Wars and Angels of Mercy Revisited

2008-08-13T22:25:00.001-07:00

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright May 2008

Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.

*The following story is incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

“[Life] Amazing! Isn’t it?...”

- Medical Turf Wars -

“So, am I gon’na live?”

“Chief, I don’t know how you guys do it. I took a double-take on your birthday ‘cause your “biological” age and your “chronological” age just don’t match! What kind of veggies or vitamins are you taking? I haven’t seen a 28” waist since High School! I still lift (weights) regularly and am an amateur bodybuilder. What’s your bodyfat percentage?” He said.

Trying to get on his good side, I said, “I don’t know. Four months ago, the Aviation Medical Technician doing the prelims for one of my physical exams said it was ‘too low to be healthy’, I think. Whatever that means?”

He was the DMO (Diving Medical Officer), a lieutenant (Officer Grade 3 in the Navy), and in his mid-thirties (my age at the time). He was already beginning to bald, and slightly paunchy. He still had the big arms and barrel chest of a Navy Diver, but probably hadn’t seen a six-pack on his body for years.

“So, what’s your secret? My wife would go totally ga-ga if I could get my college body back.”

I didn’t want to tell him that the simple answer was to get rid of his wife. Single men tended to be more “hungry” and had less extraneous obligations.

And it took a very understanding spouse to put up with the lifestyle of “an athlete in uniform.” The hours of training were just too long for even the most loving wife.

I knew. I was on my second wife and the marriage’s prognosis looked very bleak.

Grinning at the doctor I said, “Amazing, isn’t it? I attribute my girlish figure to celibacy and pure thoughts.”

(In reality, I PT’d [physically trained] for at least 3 hours a day, ate like a pig all day, then drank beer and chased women at night.)

The rest of the time I wasted on frivolous things (like work).

We both laughed.

Then I asked, “Sir, when can I leave?”

“If it was up to me, I’d let you go now. But as you know, you need to be cleared by the ‘other guys’ too,” the DMO said.

“I can’t be medically disqualified right now. I got some important orders,” I desperately whined.

The truth was that I was to do some “exchange student” exercises with a few of my counterparts from foreign military units (e.g., Republic of Korea, British, Australian, and Thailand teams) in the next few weeks.

“Cobra Gold” was the official name of the annual joint military exercises held on and around the Pattaya Beach area of Thailand.

I looked forward to this yearly “Work Hard, Play Hard” event.

I especially loved the beautiful women. They’re always amazed that: 1) I am American, not Thai (I’m a mix of everything Asian) and 2) in spite of being “gaa” (Thai: old), like a Tantric Sex Master, I can go on for hours in the bedroom.

Similar to Jack LaLane on his birthday (who?), I added more “degrees of difficulty” (meaning, participants) to my personal exploits every year.

“Chill out. I’m sure you’ll be discharged in time to go to Cobra Gold. Jeez! I love that place! Anyway, I’ve arranged for my most responsible Corpsman to keep you company. Just don’t corrupt her too much” he said, smiling like the devil.

These “Medical Turf Wars” were a hassle for people like me.

Instead of periodic physical examinations by one doctor, I had to be cleared by several different doctors (e.g., Med/Specwar guy, Diving Doc, Flight Surgeon, PTSD Psychiatrist, etc.).

This meant having at least three, instead of one, rectal exam every year!

I never got used to that.

One year, after getting past the point of being pissed off, I invited all the nurses to witness my rectal exams.

Since all Military Hospitals double as learning institutions, there was never a shortage of an audience (mostly interns, new Corpsman, and fresh Nursing school graduates).

Laying prone on the examination table and my bare ass in the air, I proclaimed to the giggling group of students, “Have your way with me. My ass is your ass!”

The responses (and phone numbers afterwards) were well worth it.

But when I saw who was going to be my companion during her Duty Day, I didn’t mind that I’d be here (on a Submarine Tender Medical Ward) overnight.

“Thanks Doc!” I shouted as the DMO bade his farewell.

- Those Medical Slackers -

Looking down at the cute Filipina Corpsman at the foot of my bed, I asked, “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve read about it, but I’ve never met anyone who has actually experienced it,” she said, momentarily breaking her gaze away from my powerful erection to smile a little, naughty smile.

Did she just lick her lips?

Then, silently, she stood up, walked to the “wrong” side of the patient bed, reached across my body, and checked the I.V. bag and drip chamber hanging on a metal hook on the other side of the bed.

“Accidentally” smothering me with her chest, she whispered, “Oops. Sorry.”

“No problem, no problem at all, HN (Hospitalman, E-3 paygrade) Marisol.”

During my short stay in her Sickbay/Ward, we had already established a close, informal rapport. I teased her by addressing her by the appropriate military title “HN,” but then finished it with the totally inappropriate, overly friendly use of her first name (Marisol) instead of her last name.

I could usually tell when to cross the line or not.

Medical personnel (officer and enlisted alike) were notorious for employing lax military standards and sloppy decorum.

Line Officers called them “Slackers, referring to their apparent lack of military bearing. I couldn’t blame them (the medical personnel). In fact, initially, when I first joined the service, I was just like them.

You see, most military medical personnel were just biding their time, simply repaying the military back for their medical training. After one hitch (tour of duty), they usually left active duty to pursue a more lucrative, civilian medical career. This applied to the majority of doctors, nurses, and Corpsmen within all branches of the U.S. Military Services (Army, Air Force, Navy, and Marine Corps).

The U.S. Marine Corps had no indigenous medical personnel. That was why I, a Navy Independent Duty Corpsman, was technically a sailor, but, for all practical purposes, was a Marine at heart. Except for my mandatory stints at Navy Hospitals and “Tin Cans” (small ships), I spent the bulk of my career deployed with Marines (specifically, the Diver/Jumper types).

I spent equal time honing my technical skills AND my Marine (grunt) skills. Consequently, I had little time to gather dust. If I wasn’t doing the required CME (Continuous Medical Education - emergency medical training), I was busy diving, jumping, or shooting.

Since I love those activities, the years zoomed by. Before I knew it, over two decades had past and it was time to retire. Mainstreaming into regular, civilian life was hard for me. (But that’s another story).

Back to this story.

Almost sadistically, I prayed for missions because they had an immediate and direct focus (no trivial, unrealistic training and classes by some civilian geek or hospital administrator with no clue about real life operations).

Ninety-percent of any mission was spent on prep time (warning orders, mission briefs, physical examinations, immunizations, equipment checks, etc), travel time (ship, submarine, or airplane); and, once the mission was completely executed, aborted while in progress, or cancelled before going operational, there was the required extensive de-brief time and after action reports.

- My Angel of Mercy Revisited -

Turning my attention back to the sexy Corpsman, I said, “Hell, I’m just glad to have company!”

I had a big sh*t-eating grin on my face; mainly because I was not talking directly to her face, but to the uniform-bursting breasts that were currently dancing in front of my nose.

She blushed again.

With a half-smile, she resumed her position at the end of my bed –fixing her eyes on my blatant hard-on and continued her “Watch.”

“Imagine That…”

Marisol propped her elbows at the foot of my bed and held her face in her hands. The posture instantly conjured up “peek-a-boo, hide-n-sneek” breast fantasies in my head (both of them)!

In any other situation I would have initiated “full-body, hand-to-butt/bust CQB (close quarters combat),” but held back to examine my angel of mercy, visually savoring her youthful beauty and tight, yet buxom, body.

After looking at her full lips and angel face, I wondered if she liked big popsickles?

Then I continued my story about the first time I suffered from “Priapism,” an uncontrolled erection that often becomes a medical emergency…

…Okay, there I was, wildly falling through the air. My main parachute had malfunctioned and all my attempts to correct it proved futile. I was losing altitude by the second and now it was time to use the last resort: the reserve parachute.

The reserve chute was considered the last resort for a couple of reasons. First, it was much smaller than the main chute; and secondly, the reserve chute for this particular Army Infantry configuration was worn on the stomach. It was called “the belly pack,” because the rest of the soldier’s gear was worn below the main parachute pack on the soldier’s back. Located at the small of the back and extending down past the buttocks, this additional gear worn under the main chute was called the “butt pack.”

In this way, supposedly, the soldier was somewhat balanced in the weight distribution of his gear. Nevertheless, especially with a deployed (opened) butt pack (and its accompanied, lanyard connected, extracted gear), the normal, preferred vertical posture was almost impossible to maintain.

I had to jettison the main chute via its harness clips (specialized buckles with a two-step process for separating the shoulder harness straps from the main parachute risers).

The real trick was timing. Ideally, both buckles are to be opened simultaneously.

Bad news for me.

I couldn’t open both buckles together because I was wildly oscillating through the air. The parachute canopy above me looked like a bag of worms, while I felt like the main attraction at a public hanging, dangling by one riser.

This meant that I could only reach one buckle. The other riser was far above the first, tangled amongst shroud lines and the beginning of the canopy skirt.

The furthest buckle had to be opened first. If I opened the nearest buckle, I would have had to wrestle with a taught riser and a buckle buried under tight material. (It would be like trying to get to a coin embedded in a fist full of tight shoelace knots.)

Doing a pull-up and climbing past the exposed buckle, I cut away a mass of shroud-lines with my hooked shroud-line cutter, found the buried buckle, and released. Immediately my body assumed an awkward “hanging by one arm” position. The jolt of repositioning was felt all along the left side of my body. Not much pain (probably due to adrenaline). My left hand, arm, and shoulder felt numb and clumsy. I tried to re-stow my hooked shroud-line cutter, but…but, it was gone! I must have lost my grip on it when the opening shock jolted my body.

“Imagine That…”

Oh well, if I survive this, I guess I’ll have to bribe another Survival Equipment person for another cutter. (I wasn’t the best at sanitizing my actions. I lost or forgot gear often - a bad habit that would severely impact my life later on. Yet again, another story for later consumption).

Bribing a lower ranked Marine in the Survival Equipment shop was much easier than filling out the mountain of paperwork required when reporting missing gear for replacement.

Then I released the second (last) buckle, dramatically accelerated downward, and saw the tangled mess of the main parachute assembly, shroud-lines, and canopy material fly away from me like a bird of prey releasing a mouse that was too small to eat.

I put one arm out and rolled to my back (facing the sky) and assumed a “reverse free-fall position,” that is, instead of the normal free-fall position (face toward the Earth and spread eagle), I now looked more like a dead cockroach.

Ironically, through all this, I smiled while I rolled.

I always loved maneuvering during free-fall. It is intoxicating and called “relative work.” It really feels like you’re swimming through the air. It’s like doing gymnastics in a loud, raging river. For example, if you do a stiff-legged, double leg lift, your body is put into a reverse somersault. If you stick one arm or one leg further away from the body, you rotate in that direction. One birthday I did an ungodly amount of jumps and went to sleep that night exhausted, happy, and dreaming of being Superman.

Supine, I pretended to be a badminton birdy.

And within seconds, my free-fall was controlled.

Reaching to my belly pack (reserve parachute), I found the pull ring, and prepared to pull. In one, symmetrical motion I pulled the ring with one hand and abducted my arm (moved the arm away from my body) while simultaneously mimicking the same motion with the other arm.

It looked like I was doing the top half of a ballet dancer’s pirouette. The reason for this was aerodynamic symmetry. If I didn’t copy the motion of the pulling arm, there was a chance that I may rotate onto my stomach again – not a good thing with a “belly pack” reserve setup.

Experiencing “temporal distortion,” I saw the flaps of the reserve shoot open in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n. A small drogue chute peeked out of the pack and began to extract the rest of the material. It all seemed surrealistic, like I was sliding face down on a giant synthetic “silk” slide in the sky.

(My mind flashed to the briefing before this jump. Almost as a premonition, I asked the PR [Parachute Rigger] what were the procedures for a malfunctioned reserve chute.

With an evil grin, he said, “Do a Michael Jackson.”

“A what?” I asked.

“Beat it! Beat it! Beat it!” he chuckled.

“Imagine That…”)

Then the wall of moving silk disappeared and all of a sudden shroud-lines pulled taught and slapped me in the face.

In spite of being a smaller chute, the combination of my relatively light Asian frame and no additional weight from Infantry Gear made the reserve parachute’s opening shock turn me into the helpless victim of a T.V. Wrestler. I was getting the infamous “back breaker” maneuver.

Great.

Earlier, the first opening shock of the now defunct main chute made me feel like I was being split in half (from the crotch up); and now the God’s were trying to bend me in half backwards - like I was some chemlight stick that needed to be activated!

Oh well, at least my day was getting a little better.

I was now under a full reserve parachute, swaying like an airlifted cargo crate.

- Pondering my PLF -

The next challenge on my checklist was the task of doing a decent PLF (Parachute Landing Fall). The purpose of the PLF was to distribute the impact of landing across the whole body, therefore; theoretically reducing the chances of injury.

But my experiences over the years showed me that even the most perfect PLF’s can result in sprained ankles, broken legs, shattered clavicles (collar bones), fractured hips, dislocated shoulders, etc.

The Landing Procedures and textbook PLF is as follows:

1.Maneuver (steer) into the wind, so the chute falls behind you. This is easily done during training jumps. One only has to orient himself into the opposite direction of the wind as indicated by a windsock (on land) or a boat’s flag (over water). Just think “stab yourself with the windsock or flag” and you’re going into the wind. But during real missions, one had to use other clues (e.g., whitecaps on waves, swaying branches of trees, etc.).
2.Keep your eyes on the horizon – don’t look down. Looking down makes the jumper incorrectly anticipate ground impact because of the illusion of “ground rush.” It also compromises the vertical posture needed to perform a good PLF.
3.Raise hands over your head, grasp, and hold onto the parachute risers throughout the PLF. This minimizes injuries to the shoulders, arms, and hands by preventing the chance of “flail” injuries - if you’ve ever stubbed your toe, replace your toe with an arm and you know what I mean.
4.Point toes downward and slightly bend the knees.
5.Tuck in the head (chin to chest).
6.Upon impact, immediately allow the body to roll laterally to whichever side that momentum, wind, and terrain moves your body.
7.Spread your impact force over the following parts of the body: balls of feet, calf, side of thigh, buttock, side of back, rear shoulder.

When performed correctly, the body should naturally fall and roll; ending up in a sitting position and opposite your parachute.

But instead of vertical, I was laying backward at a 45-degree angle. The reserve chute attached to my stomach and absence of butt pack weight forced me to keep as upright as possible by continually pulling on my risers.

I felt like I was stuck at “half-rep” on a Lat-Pull Down machine in the gym set with a full stack of weight.

Oh well, the horizon was in full view. I’d just have to make do.

- Ouch, that’s got’ta hurt! -

If you saw the way I landed, you’d probably wince with empathy.

Like fans at an American football game who witness a particularly nasty hit (tackle), you’d probably say that familiar American cliché: “Ouch, that’s got’ta hurt!”

Instead of balls of feet, calves, quads, glutes, lats, delts, and roll; my heels hit first.

Then came the vicious ground impact on my coccyx (butt bone).

The next assault was to the back of my head (Thank God, my Protech helmet didn’t shatter).

I tried to stand, but only made it to my knees. Everything was a spinning, blur. I wasn’t sure if my chute was in front of me or behind me.

My question was promptly answered. It was in front of me.

How did I know?

It re-inflated and began dragging me, head first, along the dirt, grass, and rocks of the drop zone!

Whack! One lens of my goggles breaks. Now one-half of my limited vision looked like a muddy spider web. Afraid of plastic chards going into my eye, I shut both eyes and ripped the goggles off my face.

Whack-whack-whack! The side of my helmet kept bouncing off the uneven ground.

(Another gust of wind.)

I tried to lift my head.

Bad idea.

The wind shifted into second gear and the chute began dragging me faster.

Shroud-lines that had wrapped themselves around my helmet and neck forced my head back down into the rock-strewn earth.

Great, now I’m digging a trench with my face.

“Imagine That…”

(Continued in “Imagine That…[4]”)

Your friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

Cobra Gold, Thailand, Sexy, Filipina, PT, physical training, Corpsman, Medical, Turf, tantric sex, parachute, reserve chute, PLF.

Other articles by the author:

“Imagine That…(1) - The Asian Angel of Mercy and Assassins.”

“Imagine That…(2) - Hazardous Duty Incentive Pay HDIP: Anything for a Buck?”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path, articles (1) – (7).” (This is an ongoing series of articles that focus on self-improvement, success, and happiness).

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (23).” (This is another ongoing series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life - My Father”

And much more!

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

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My Life Story on the Big Screen!

2008-08-12T22:11:00.001-07:00

When the final chapter in my life's story has been written and work on the screenplay for the movie begins, someone will be faced with the difficult assignment of deciding who will play me on the big screen. It won't be an easy task because it will take an actor of the first water to capture the true essence of me.

My life has had the same assortments of successes and failures, tears, both of joy and of sorrow, grand excitement and heart-rending disappointments as everyone else in this world. I can say though, in all honesty I've never been bored a day in my life!

I guess I've been thoroughly blessed to have survived in this world as long as I have without the benefit of a burning desire for anything, leaving me slightly out of step with all the movers and shakers of this world. Does that mean that I've been without dreams and goals to achieve them? No!

Having no great desire to save the world, cure cancer or control a corporate empire has worked well for me. With only a few exceptions there's not a thing I would change if I had all this to do over again. There are enough surprises jumping out at us when we least expect it to overcome any thoughts of succumbing to boredom, which I believe is a sin!

Who then, if this epic of human survival were cast today, would I choose for that role of a lifetime? Not just anyone could carry off such an assignment. After much thought, I've narrowed the field down to just a few that could seriously portray me on the big screen.

As my younger self, would be the one I would definitely choose to play me, if for no other reason than he's the only young actor I can think of at the moment. He's obviously talented, for I've seen him in several movies, other than "Second Hand Lion," with Robert Duvall and Michael Caine. Dye his hair a little darker and he could be me in my younger years.

Al Pacino would be a favorable choice for an older me. He lives the character and in just a few scenes you forget that he's Al Pacino. That's the kind of man who can capture the real Bob Alexander. I can see Al now, smiling as he says, "Say hello to my little friend!" Oops! Wrong movie!

Unfortunately I don't believe this part is crying out for Mr. Pacino. This is the role every actor dreams about, but he seems a little too serious accurately portray me. I've never found a serious situation that couldn't be improved by a little humor. Some believe this to be a flaw in my character but I believe it to be genetic and it's not my fault! I was born with this affliction.

I think the ability to find humor in the most dire of situation has been passed down to my brother also. A case in point is a dilemma my family encountered when my mother passed away.

As befitting a good country song, it was raining on the day before her funeral and the weather outlook for the next day was more of the same. In addition, when my brothers and I were seated in the funeral home with the director, we found that the day was already booked. There were four interments already scheduled, but the gentleman said that he could squeeze us in at 8:00 a.m. We all determined that this was much too early for such an event.

My brother broke the silence that ensued with, "What's the chance there will be a cancellation tomorrow?" The funeral director looked surprised and in a shocked voice replied, "I don't think I've ever been asked that before." We all had a good laugh that broke, for the moment, the somber mood that had been cast over the room. Mother would have been proud!

When it comes down to deciding just who will be the lucky fellow to play me, I'll have to go with George Clooney. Not only is he a good actor, he has a wit about him that is reminiscent of my humor. Put that together with his good looks, and he would be the perfect choice to play the role of Bob Alexander.

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Happiness

2008-08-11T22:37:00.001-07:00

Happiness

We must develop a pleasant personality and for that purpose we shall have to remain happy. There are difficulties and problems in the world and we are hit by such difficulties and problems and most of the events are carrying us towards un-happiness and displeasure. But still we shall have to bear all these difficulties and problems with a smiling face.
Some difficulties and problems are our own creation, but at times we meet such problems and difficulties without any fault lying on our part. We are human being and we are prone to all such difficulties. When we read lives of great men, we come to the conclusion that all those had been facing difficulties. We can have a look on the life of shri Ram Chandraji, Lord Krishnaji, Guru Arjan Dev ji, life of Christ and we see that though they have been taken as Avtaras, they too had to suffer and they had been bearing all those sufferings and difficulties and they never complain to God. We too should have a lesson from the lives of these great people and we too must bear all these difficulties and sufferings and even then we should remain happy.
We must know that others around us also feel pleasure to meet us when we are giving them pleasure and happiness and if we are telling our own stories of difficulties and troubles to them, they too shall feel sorry and they would avoid meeting us. When others want a pleasant personality, we must develop a pleasant personality and if we do practice, we shall attain such a personality. Man must bear all the difficulties and even then he must be having a pleasing face and when we meet others, we should keep our worries concealed and we should talk to them with pleasing face.
Life is sum up of happiness and therefore, we should remain happy and if there are difficulties and problems, we should be sure that all these difficulties and problems shall be no more within the next few days because when we are passing through bad days, good days are knocking at the door and those shall be with us within the next moment.
So we should develop a habit of having a pleasant personality and we must try to remain happy when we are talking and dealing with another person. That person should get a good impression from us and he too should start with this habit. We may share our pleasant moments with others, but we should not share our bad moments with others, because they shall not be happy and they shall start avoiding us.
-------------------------

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Happiness

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Should We Have More Fun?

2008-08-11T21:59:00.001-07:00

You probably don't know people with no difficulties and hardships, and thats most likely because there aren't many, as our ways of life make us sad and depressed at times. There are many great ways to handle boredom, but every single person has it's own finest way, which would not work as well for other people.

Now days, the globe has changed, and embraced more modern ways of having fun, we have almost replaced the great old book with the more up to date e-books, and instead of just telling jokes and imagine them happen, we have all the funny clips.Years ago, no one could have said, what will surely await us when it comes to new ways of having fun, now days it is pretty obvious that high speed internet has taken the main role in the area of fun, as it represents the easiest way of getting some quality fun.

Obviously it could be easier if, every now and then, we could just pretend we don't have a single problem and just lighten up and enjoy, living the best way we could, but reality doesn't work like that. There are a lot, of us, who, when we feel gloomy, weary or just like doing nothing, love to spend some time on those websites, with various humorous stuff, such as jokes or videos.I love Short funny Jokes.

Enjoying those sites is most likely one of the cheapest and the most easiest ways of having fun, without a fear you'll get addicted to it, nor that you're throw your money as they're without charge. The whole point is that we should have more fun and that we let many things that happen bother us, especially when we could not do a thing about them.
In place of worrying too much, we should spend some more time, with our family and friends, as those are probably the only rememberings we will still cherish and hold them dear.In other words, we should enjoy our lives to the max.

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Miss You Card - Get Free Miss You Cards, Love Cards and Weekly Horoscopes

2008-08-09T22:58:00.001-07:00

Staying away from ones beloved can pose itself as the toughest situation. Yet, there are many a time when we have to bear the pain of being away from our loved ones. Although the situation cannot be avoided, unless you cancel your trip, sending each other interesting Miss You Cards could nevertheless control the agony. Miss You Cards are available everywhere from your nearest card store to the several online card portals. Nothing can be a better idea than to articulate your feelings and emotions represented through a Miss You Card and send to the person you are missing the most.

Miss you cards can be sent to friends as well as to the soul mate, the most special person in ones life… These romantic cards are available in numerous themes and ideas. While some carry fascinating poems that best depict the state of your heart without your beloved, there are numerous others that have quotes and gloomy images depicting your expressions while away from your beloved. Reminisce the good times you have spent together with your friend, soul mate or spouse through the attractive range of Miss You Cards. To express your love and care for the special person, even while away, there is a wide selection of romantic cards that you could select from like animated miss you cards, flash miss you cards and even free miss you cards! Yes there is a whole range of free miss you cards available online that you could send to your partners.

There is an extensive selection of occasional cards available in this genre too. Like valentine miss you card, birthday miss you card and anniversary miss you card. These miss you cards best depict the particular occasions that you may have celebrated in the absence of your partner and they also are the ideal alternatives to let him/ her know how much you longed to be with him/ her on that particular event.

Friends cards are ideal gifts to be given to your friend any time, with or without a reason. To tell them how much their company means to you and how much you treasure their friendship, you just need an ideal friends card that will best mirror your emotions.

Flower cards are generally the most popular ones picked across all categories of cards. Be it cards for New Year, birthday or anniversary, flower cards speak it all. From wild flowers to the tenderest ones, each of the variety of flowers depicts the different emotions in the most distinct and precise way. Like an image of a bunch of red roses on the card would mean it is the ideal card for your sweetheart. Similarly, yellow roses mean friends are always close to the heart and are always there for you… Flower Cards carry along with them the fragrance and beauty to mirror the emotions of every relationship, beautifully.

Waiting to hold your attention is an assortment of romantic cards that you could gift to the one you dearly love. Let Miss You Cards unite you and your partner … just at the click of the mouse.

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Musings

2008-08-09T22:39:00.001-07:00

A tattered parchment was recently discovered stuffed inside a Southwark premium lager beer bottle at the northern end of Kangaroo Alley. After carbon dating for authenticity and extensive study by the top scientific minds available it is reasoned that these are the musings of a curmudgeon who smokes too much, drinks too much and spends way too much time napping on the sofa with his dog.

I don’t particularly enjoy parting with two Jackson’s and a Lincoln to fill up my gas tank but it is hilarious to hear folks complain about the high price of gasoline while standing in line at Starbucks eager to pay $4 for two ounces of coffee, some milk and foam.

Next time you are in Las Vegas debating whether you should drop $35 on a cigar consider this; the most expensive cigar is a limited edition Cohiba called the Behike, it equates out to $420 per stick.

The most expensive bottle of wine on record is a 1787 Chateau Lafite once belonging to Thomas Jefferson that sold at auction for $160,000. That is some expensive vinegar.

That $4 cup of coffee from Starbucks is beginning to look like a bargain.

Samuel Adams sells its limited edition Utopia beer for $100 per bottle; however a gentleman referred to simply as Mr. B. paid $2,595 for a beer in a Hong Kong bar. It was charged to his credit card and subsequently paid. I hope he at least got a kiss from the barmaid.

The current record holder for the most expensive painting is Vincent Van Gogh’s ‘Portrait of Dr. Gachet’ which sold for $82 million.

Still fretting over whether you should buy or lease your next motorcar, perhaps I can interest you in a 1967 Ferrari P4 for a cool $15 million? Sorry, CD player not included.

If you are more of the sea-faring type then perhaps you should consider the Annaliesse, a 280 foot mega cruise ship; it can be yours for a mere $103 million and is considered the most expensive private yacht.

Forget flying the friendly skies, own them in your very own $260 million FA-22 Raptor. Arguably the world’s most expensive jet.

Well, my cigar is spent and I can see the bottom of the glass. Where’s Max? I feel a nap coming on.

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Human is Love by God, Do We Love Him? by Oladokun Sulaiman - Oladok12@yahoo.com

2008-08-09T22:36:00.001-07:00

Human is love by God and do we love him back BY OLADOKUN SULAIMAN
Human is love by God and do we love him back

life is perfected only when pendulum of life /love is maintained in two Human is created out of honour , from vast number of creatures that exist, human is the choosen one , delegated to manage this planet, to represent the most merciful creator you can ever imagine- the case of relationship beptween mand and God is unique exemple of problem oflove to day - do we appeciate the gift offered to us out of love , do we offer offer love by doing the right things and makingthe right choice. If you problem with relationship or marriage or with with loves one, why don`t you check yourself if you have actualling swing back the pendulum of life . Reasons why God love human : 1- HE CREATED YOU- if he did not love you HE would have made another sperm out of two billion sperm to fertilize the egg to bring a human being other than you, on top of that he offer you privilege to be called by name and not by number. 2- HE HAS CREATED IN THE BEST SHAPE-There is no doubt that we human are made with the best feature and the best model. 3- HE SELECTED YOU ABOVE ALL CREATURE- HE loves, honor, prefer and select human above many of HIS creature in his universe. 4- HE MADE YOU HIS AMBASADOR- HE loves human so much and selected human as His representative of this planet, just the way countries select heir best citizen to represent them in other countries. Ambassadors are always proud of such mission and they do their best to represent their countries with the higher degree of HONESTY, INTEGRITY and PERFORMANCE. 5- HE ENTRUSTED YOU WITH THEMISSION –HE offer you an unimpossible ,best mission to the planet , the mission of maintaining this planet – the mountains the land, the ocean – it is credit indeed , it is also a big responsibility . 6- HE ASKED YOU DELIVER HIS MESSAGE – HE wants you learn from everything that surround you and share what we gain to maintain, justice, goodwill among people. 7- HE SELECTD YOU TO BE HIS WITNESS- HE gave the ever great gift of choice in this mission and offer you conscience that will be witness , if you abuse the gift or used it wisely . 8- HE REWADS THE BEST –HE inspire us to do the work, rewards, and forgive- HE helped us to invent, to find out solution to life problems. There no one in the universe who can treat us likes this except HIM. Despite the fact that we have limited power, look what we have done to ourselves under evils of racism , religious bigotry, color blindness, hatred, slavery , colonialism, imperialism , status quo. HE is truly merciful, and HIS guidance has continued to function with promotion of happiness. He loves so much, my question is do we actually love HIM back. This neverthelessa apply to relationship between ourselves.

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Humor ~ What is It?

2008-08-08T23:16:00.001-07:00

Humor is always linked to comedy. It is generally recognized as something acceptable to, and enjoyed by everyone, no matter what his or her age. Learning to smile is one of the first recognizable displayed characteristics of newborn babies.

The rhythmic expulsion of air from the lungs is recognized as laughter in a matter of weeks following the birth, and is a primitive form of basic communication. Mother Nature has already equipped young babies with a powerful tool they can use to good advantage as a key factor in human bonding, the building of special relationships and social cohesion in the years that follow.

If asked, most people would state they had a good sense of humor. Used for professional entertainment it becomes an art, whether it is for business or pleasure. It requires careful planning and skilful delivery. I have learned from experience that such skills can be taught and then must be regularly practiced by those interested in becoming comedians.

Humor is totally subjective, always provoking, and generates different reactions from different people. Effective comedians are few and far between partly because what is funny to one person is not funny to another. The large majority of an audience must quickly consider they have some kind of rapport with a comedian. The best comedians are considered to be intellectual observers of human activity. They are philosophical spectators of the humorous anomalies found in life.

Making others laugh is a masterful skill that can change lives. People who can get others laughing are usually seen as being charismatic and are usually highly admired in society. Humor also takes a key part in the act of attraction. In many cultures giggling is often a sign of a secret sexual tension expressed by both men and women. You're giggling aren't you?

Humor makes uncomfortable situations more comfortable. It allows individuals to laugh no matter how grim living gets. It is such a nice feeling people will pay money to others to make them laugh. It is cathartic; it encourages an individual to purge their problems and painful emotions through the joy of laughter.

Study top comedians and you will soon realize that those skilled in delivering humor are great storytellers. Comedy is often based upon conflicting drama thrown up in life. It is not funny having to be funny. You need to be seriously funny to impress others. It is no joke. I mean that seriously.

Comedy and wit have little to do with an ability to tell jokes. People who 'tell jokes' are often seen as boring individuals with little sense of humor. They often begin their comedy routine with words along the line of ‘Have you heard the one about”? True comedy is the practically enacted theory of the absurdities so often found in human relationships.

Experienced comedians are not afraid to laugh at themselves because humor is a universal human activity that allows the comedian to become a philosophical spectator of his own life in relation to those around him. Popular topics often revolve around the boss, their children and/or their partner or spouse.

As a professional speaker I have two roles. As an after-dinner speaker my sole purpose is to entertain the audience. As a keynote, motivational presenter I become a serious speaker seeking to help my audience remember important messages by using humor as a powerful tool. I have learned from experience that even the most focussed of audiences have an attention span of less than seven minutes. By injecting humor into my talks I help my audience stay alert and absorb important material.

Laughter is the best medicine. Unless of course you are asthmatic when inhaled steroids are likely to come highest on your list. Which is why I am so popular with healthcare professionals. As the saying goes 'Physician heal thy self' this is exactly what I am helping to facilitate when I make my medical audiences laugh.

Laughter is a physiological response to a trigger I activate in the audience. Members of the medical profession are no different to anyone else. They regularly feel anxiety, stress and even anger. By making them laugh I pull on a laughter trigger that releases endorphins, which in turn, counteracts the unpleasantness they may be feeling at that moment in time. Furthermore, happy people feel good to be around. Patients can feel so much better simply by being around healthcare professionals who appear happy. Everyone hates a 'doctor death' character who always look as if they are about to give out bad news.

Laughter in the workplace is important too for the boosting of staff morale and for the increase in productivity that usually follows. A happy staff is a productive staff.

During the talks I give around the world I often use examples of humorous real-life examples from my own family relationships to illustrate the principles of human awareness. Looking at an audience I can usually tell those going through a difficult relationship. They are the miserable looking individuals who work so hard trying not to even smile when those around them are struggling to stem a flow of uncontrollable laughter. I always work on the principle 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'. I think Abraham Lincoln said that. Or was it Bob Dylan?

I am in no doubt that laughter is the key to a happy marriage. If you are able to laugh at each other, it shows you are able to affectionately tease and play - something so important in all human relationships. A happy marriage takes effort. I have been happily married for 34 years. We keep our relationship fresh by each and every week, without fail, treating ourselves to a meal in a top restaurant with a good quality bottle of our favourite wine.

She goes out each Tuesday and I each Thursday evening.

In conclusion ~ humor is a fundamental basic in the art of effective public speaking. It can make the difference between a great talk with an enthusiastic audience and a disastrous monotonous monologue.

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Top 5 Books to Learn Magic Tricks

2008-08-08T22:52:00.001-07:00

I’m often asked by both adults and kids about where they can learn more about the Art of Magic. In this article, I’ll recommend top 10 magic books a newcomer to the Art of Magic should consider. The good news is the majority of these books are available from Amazon or Barnes and Noble bookstores.

1. Mark Wilson’s Complete Course in Magic by Mark Wilson

Mark Wilson’s book is the modern equivalent of a condensed version of the Tarbell Course in Magic series. Wilson’s book introduces readers to a wide variety of magic ranging from card tricks, coin tricks, rope magic, mental magic, impromptu magic and even stage illusions! It teaches the fundamentals of magic technique and is well illustrated.

2. A Book of Magic for Young Magicians : The Secrets of Alkazar by Allan Zola Kronzek

This is one of the best books on handling key cards and has excellent presentations for classic magic effects. It is written as a kids book but it has a lot of great tips and handling for common magic effects. In one lesson Alkazar demonstrates an entertaining magic trick and a boring magic trick. Both use the same method yet the book explains the importance of presentation.

3. Now You See It, Now You Don’t Lessons in Sleight of Hand by Bill Tarr

Bill Tarr’s book provides a well illustrated introduction to sleight of hand. If you want to learn how to make cards, coins, and silks disappear and reappear, this book provides an excellent introduction. He also wrote a second book called The Second Now You See It, Now You Don't.

4. New Modern Coin Magic by J.B. Bobo

Coin magic is a lot of fun to perform since coins are readily available, fit in your pocket, and can be borrowed to perform mysterious and entertaining feats of prestidigitation. Bobo’s Modern Coin Magic provides an excellent resource on all the key vanishes, retentions, concealments and sleight of hand required to perform coin magic. The book also has several chapters dedicated to various classic effects in Magic such as Coins Across, The Miser’s Dream, and Coin Boxes. Bobo’s Coin Magic a must in any magician’s library!

5. The Royal Road to Card Magic by Jean Hugard and Frederick Braue

The Royal Road to Card Magic is an inexpensive book that is jam packed with card magic. Beginners and experienced magicans can benefit by reading the Royal Road and reviewing the different concepts and ideas on sleight of hand card magic. One of my magic mentors recommends that every magician – experienced and new – should review the Royal Road to Card Magic as it acquaints the reader with the fundamentals of card magic.

These books aren’t the only magic books I’d recommend but for the magic newbie, these are great books to start learning about the art of magic. There are thousands of books, DVDs, and articles available on the Art of Magic. In future articles, I’ll explore a few more useful resources to learn about Magic.

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Spice Up Your Lives With Online Peppy Humors

2008-08-08T22:12:00.001-07:00

Humor is the spice of life. Life without fun and humor is simply vain. Thanks to technological advancement in recent years, sources of humor have evolved themselves to new heights. Movies or plays are not the only source of humor of today. In fact, the duration of these stuffs leaves little option for people who can hardly afford to spend even an hour. Quick sources of humor surround our daily lives but we hardly care to look around and feel their presence.

Humor is not restrained to words or enactments. Even pictures possess the capacity to evoke laughter. A hoarding on the roadside can not only attract the attention of the passersby but also bring out smiles if it possesses a fun element. Funny pictures apart, funny videos are also an excellent source of quick humor.

Undoubtedly, funny videos offer moments of quick relief. These light moments are extremely important to cheer one's spirits and shrug off every stress. In fact, visual sources of humor like videos and pictures create greater impact. Pictures and videos drawn from real life help one to connect to their own experiences. Most of the funny videos available on the Internet are drawn from real-life incidents, which help convey personal elements with a hint of fun.

Funny pictures, on the other hand, may incorporate cartoon sketches of well-known figures as well as real-life pictures. A number of them convey jokes to laugh your belly out. These hilarious stuffs evoke emotions to help our body attain equilibrium of health and happiness.

Physicians and therapists too emphasize on the advantages of humor in one’s life. Funny stuffs like pictures or videos can work wonders for people who are prone to depression. Even a five-minute fun break from your hectic schedule can be truly refreshing. Besides, the joy of watching funny videos with your friends or family is a nothing short of a priceless experience. These happy hours are a great way to strengthen your bonds with your near and dear ones.

So make the most of your lives by gorging in little tidbits of humor. The Internet is one platform from where funny stuffs like jokes, pictures or videos can be easily accessible. Take your pick of the jokes, funny pictures or funny videos to bring a fresh lease of life into the dull drudgery of your monotonous lives.

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2008-08-08T22:02:00.001-07:00

Josh climbed out of bed and sat on the "race car" that he and his father built before he left. He was only 7 but he remembers his father as if it were yesterday, his strong arms that used to pick him up and embrace him, the smell of his aftershave. He seems so close…

The car has an orange crate as the front end and a 2x6 as the middle rail. The baby buggy wheels on the bottom allowed it to glide smoothly and easily across the floor and the steering wheel allow for some limited turning ability left and right. The "brake" was a simple 1x1 screwed to the side of the car behind him so it would drag on the ground when pulled up.

Making racing noises as he moves the wheel back and forth, he imagines himself in a race - making the turns in the track easily as he completes lap after lap.

As he was rounding the final turn, his sister walked by his door and told him "don't go too fast on that thing - wouldn't want you to hurt yourself!". "Don't worry Susie! It would NEVER hurt me!" He says and completes the sound of the engine winding down at the end of the race. Getting up from the car, he put his clothes on and wheels the car out to the garage, hits the door opener and is greeted by the fresh cool air of autumn and the low sun that added the small bit of warmth that made it a wonderfully warm day.

He looks out side and sees his friend Bobby next door playing in his front yard. "Hey Bobby! Wanna go for a ride?". Bobby responds immediately - "Sure! Where we goin' today?". "Just down the street I think… Let's go!". Bobby sat behind Josh - "You handle the brake and I'll steer." He said as the both gave the car a shove and headed down the driveway.

As they hit the end of the driveway, Josh turn gently right and the glided down the street for a short while before they started to lose momentum. "Let's hit it again!" Josh says and they give the car mighty push to gain speed. He knew he wasn't supposed to play in the street, but he figured "what his Mom didn't know wouldn't hurt her".

After they crossed the side street at the end of their block Josh noticed that they were starting to gain speed - The slight down hill angle of the street adding speed as they traveled along. "Hold on!" he yelled at Bobby and their speed increased and they both squealed with delight.

Thing were moving along at a pretty good clip now and Josh figures they were going fast enough and really didn't want to push the cart that far up hill too get it home. "Hit the brake", He yells at Booby over the noise of the wheels on the pavement. He hears the grinding of the wood on the ground and then an odd snapping sound. Bobby holds the broken stick up for Josh to see and said "You mean THIS brake??". Bobby throws the stick aside and they both yell as they rumble down the street.

"Don't worry! I'll get us out of this!" and starts thinking about what he can do. They were going so fast and not having a rear view mirror, Josh doesn't notice that behind him a small ball of stuff was starting to gather, keeping up with them but a ways behind, as the vortex of air created by their speed started gathering debris from the surrounding street.

Josh was thinking hard on what to do next when he saw a ball bounce across the street in front of them. Just as they started to pass the ball, a kid of about 5 or 6 is ran out into the street after it and right into the path of the car. BANG! They hit the kid. He flips over the front end and lands in the car behind Bobby. "What's going on?" He says with a frightened look on his face, his voice cracking with fear. "We got a runaway car here mister!" Josh says as he weaves in and around the cars in front of him. "Don't worry, Josh will save us! He's a great driver!" Bobby yells.

The streets are wizzing by now.. 128th, 126th, 124th.. Picking up speed as they head down the hill. Josh gets an idea and yells over his shoulder - " When I say 'Go', you guys lean right as hard as you can!". He hears a round of agreement from behind him as guesstimates his speed and prepares for the turn. "Ready" 115th… 110th… "Set!" 108… 102nd… "GO!"

He jerks the wheels hard to the right and then all lean into the turn. Barely making the turn, the rear wheels skidding slightly, Josh straightens out the car and heads down the street. The Ball follows them, turning the corner wide picking up more debris as it goes - news papers, water hoses, mail boxes…

A sickening feeling rises in Josh's stomach as he realizes he's made a bad call. They are now going down a steeper hill, heading straight for Main street! This is also a good thing as on the other side of Main street goes up hill - this should be enough to allow them down and stop this crazy ride - IF they make it through Main Street traffic!

The streets are going by so fast now, Josh can't read the names as he concentrates on missing the cars in his path. The kids behind him squeal with a mixture of fear and delight as they pass each car, some heading right at them as Josh has to cross the line to get around cars going their way. Up ahead he see a big sister walking her little brother across the street. They see his car coming at them and try to run out of the way. The wrong way - Josh tries to avoid them by going the same direction - Bam! Bap! They both fly through the air, the big sister grabbing her brother in mid air and they both land on the rear of the car. "What's going on?" She screams as her brother starts crying.

Bobby yells over his shoulder, "We lost our brakes but don't worry!" as both of the boys behind Josh chime is "Josh is a great driver!"

The traffic light at main street is coming up now. Josh is thinking "Turn green! Turn green!" As they get closer and closer. The ball is falling a little behind now from it's shear size, picking up city mail boxes, small trees and other scrubs as it follows them down the street.

The light is not cooperating… as they approach the it, it stays red and Josh yells "Hang ON!". He see's a small gap in the cars and heads for it, still gaining speed. The kids start yelling as they realize the cars are getting closer. Josh turns the wheel slightly and easily slides through the gap, avoiding a major accident.

They are heading up hill now and they feel their speed slowing. "He did it! We're all right! The ride is finally over!" The kids start laughing and enjoying their ride again. Josh breaths a sigh of relief as he realizes the problem is about to fix itself.

Ash, Maple, Larch, The street signs are legible again. Birch, Pine, Elm… The are approaching the top of the hill now. Josh is thinking it might be a good idea to turn at the top of the hill since they are going too fast for just the hill to stop them. He yells behind him again for the group to lean into the turn. 3…2...1…GO! An instant before he turns though, he sees a car coming right at them! He Yells "LEFT!, LEFT!" As he jerks the wheel to the left and they make the turn on 2 wheels, barely keeping the cart on the road in the process. He yells behind them "Everybody OK?" There's a chorus of "Yeps" and "Yeses" - the he hears Bobby whisper in his ear - "Josh - this is Dead Man's Hill! The street ends at the bottom!"

They are now gaining speed again as the steepness of this hill is far greater than the other street they were on. He can see the bottom of the hill, not that far ahead, with the road of the bottom of the hill creating a "T" at the bottom. Only one thing left to try - "Ok Guys…One last time! When I say Go, lean left but this time, put both your feet down as well! I'm going to try a power slide to stop us" Everyone agrees and Josh prepares for the turn.

"Ready, Set, NOW!" They all dig their feet into the pavement as Josh turns the wheel left and the car starts to slide sideways down the hill. Their shoes are smoking and leaving little bits of rubber on the ground as they all scream. The car is slowing quickly and slides to a stop at the end of the hill in the middle of the cross street. Still screaming, everyone stops at once. Realizing their "joy ride" is over they open their eyes and their screams of fear turn to screams of joy. They all jump off the scooter and start thanking Josh. The eldest girl picks him up, hugs him and plants a kiss on his cheek. When she puts him down the others are clapping and patting him on the back. Josh yells "Wait a minute!! Quiet!"

He feels the ground shaking slightly and hears a rumble that is getting louder. Just then, the sun goes dark and the are standing in shade. Josh looks up the hill. "Oh No!" He says as he sees the ball.

It has grown to be huge, cars, people, anything that wasn't nailed down is now stuck to the surface of this ball - and it coming straight for them! He thinks fast - "How are we gonna stop this thing?". As is gets closer, he yells at everyone "RUN!!" And they all begin to scatter. He grabs his car and tries to move it out of the way but realizes that one of the wheels has come off!

He bends over to retrieve the wheel and starts to push the car out of the way when the ball is about to hit him. He turns his head and is amazed by the size of the ball and over the deep rumbling of it when he hears "Josh! It's time for dinner!".

"OK Mom!"

He gets off his car and surveys his room to find his ball cap. He grabs the cap off the bed and puts it on his bald head. He looks at the car and thinks "You and I will finish this later!". He imagines the cars tin can lights winking at him as he leaves his room as heads for the kitchen. He slowly walks through the house feeling the weakness come over him again as he nears the kitchen. He can smell the Mac and Cheese - His favorite. His Mom is saying to Susie "I wish you wouldn't let him get carried away like that."

"Mom he's got leukemia… let him play the way he wants! A long as he doesn't tire himself out to much, he'll be fine.".

"I suppose - I just wish he'd take it easier sometimes."

"How can I take it easy?" He thinks… "I have a race to win!"

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5 Common Things People Get Frustrated About

2008-08-07T23:20:00.001-07:00

1.) Windows Vista

This speaks for itself. Windows Vista is like having unprotected sexual relations with a bimbo. Someone who looks absolutely radiant and sexy, but has the intelligence and functionality of an exceptionally backwards squirrel, potentially carries STDS, and always assumes to be smarter than you.

Vista makes sure to tell you about every single change it makes in the system with flashy annoying pop-ups, refuses to accommodate past 3 GB ram, has a slow and clunky file browsing, has the unique ability to crash on demand, randomly lets bizarre error messages that only tells you to click okay pop up, is still an entry portal for a load of nasty viruses, and many more idiotic things that will make you want to hurl your PC through a Microsoft officer's window.

2.) Getting stuck in traffic on the one day you can't be late.

It takes a special brand of will power to contain this kind of frustration, especially if you're behind a ten-wheeler truck filled with coconuts and a little old lady in a beat up car driving at 25 mph in a four lane road with heavy incoming traffic.

The truck is frustrating but you dare not honk at it to speed up because it is much bigger and can kill you either by slamming into you or raining coconuts on your windshield. Getting stuck behind the old lady is frustrating because she's an old lady, and vexing her by calling her slow is about as appropriate as kicking a puppy.

Next time you're doing something important, always remember the law of pessimists everywhere “If something can go wrong, it will.” Thanks Murphy.

3.) Not remembering someone's name, especially if it's already at the tip of your tongue (Then remembering it an hour after the person has left )

How many times are we guilty of this? If I had a dime for every person whose name I forgot, I'd... have a lot of dimes. Yeah. Seriously, anyone who remembers everyone by name either has to have a hyper enlarged frontal lobe or is Professor Xavier. You can remember their faces, the colors of their shirts when you first met them, the way they talked, but you cannot remember their name.

When this happens, you have no choice but to cover up for your pathetic memory with your hopefully superior charming skills, and hope that he/she doesn't see through you and your fakery. Make up to it by excessively saying his/her name next time you meet, making it clear that you are deeply aware of his identity.

4.) Being second best

The world never had much time for the second best. Sometimes, second best is worse than not having placed at all. People will always be obsessed with the idea that they could've been the best if only they fixed this, exerted effort on that, slept with this or generally did a little more than they did. It's that haunting, maddening possibility of the things that could have been. Every loser of any championship of any sport or game experiences this. Nothing brings about regret and self-blame like being in second best.

5.) The word “Nothing”

Guys all over the world angst over this little word that never means what it really means. Every person, woman or man has, at one point of his/her life, had wished that the opposite gender came with an instruction manual. Either that or wished that the opposite gender is something that an instruction manual can encapsulate completely. How we often wished that God was kind enough to inscribe the laws governing gender psychology in an ancient tome made of stone when he made man and woman, but as it is, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and no amount of clichés can ever add up to the things we still don't know about the other gender. That last sentence just about captures the entirety of the clarity of each gender's understanding of each other, which is to say, as clear as mud.

Guys know that nothing usually means they screwed up in some way and they have to find out what exactly by themselves. Women know that “nothing” said by a guy means exactly what it means, therefore there must be something else he isn't saying. We can't have evolved that much, if the human race has been in existence for thousands of years and still don't know the answer to nothing.

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Should We Have More Fun?

2008-08-07T23:04:00.001-07:00

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The Tickler

2008-08-05T23:57:00.001-07:00

When Alice Weatherspoon fancied a bit of fish for her tea, she didn’t go to the fishmonger’s or the chip shop, she went down to the river to catch her own. Mind you if the river warden were to catch her fishing without a licence it would have cost her a pretty penny, the fines were ridiculous and could be as high as £2,500.

It would have been an easy job for Alice to get a licence, but she refused too on principle. The Environment Agency issued the rod fishing licences and since she was a trout tickler and didn’t own a rod, Alice refused to pay for a licence. She learnt the art of trout tickling from her father when she was a girl. Her father had learned it from his father, who had turned to poaching as a means of feeding his family, during the strike of 26.

Well, last Friday Alice made her way down to the river Wear, bucket in hand, to catch a bit of fish and unlike Lampton she wasn’t after a worm, she was after a nice pair of trout for her tea. Her mother had been a regular churchgoer and despite Alice’s lack of interest in organised religion, she always had to have fish for her tea on a Friday.

Her favourite pitch was upstream from Penshaw, on a quiet stretch a few yards beyond the bridge that carries the A182 across the Wear Valley. On reaching the spot she half filled her bucket with water, rolled up her sleeve and lay on the bank with her arm in the water. An hour later her patience was rewarded as she scooped out the first trout and placed it in the bucket, twenty minutes later the second one joined the first and she was ready to leave.

Picking up the bucket, she set off for home and had gone no more than 50 yards when the warden stepped out from behind a tree. In 10 years of fishing that stretch of river Alice had never even seen a warden, but she knew the type.
‘Excuse me Madam, could I see your fishing licence?’ the man asked.

‘And who might you be?’

‘I am the river warden and you need a licence to fish here.’

‘That’s alright then,’ said Alice. ‘I’m not fishing.’

‘But, you have been Madam and that is an offence, and liable to a fine.’

‘I didn’t know that, but it’s OK since I haven’t been fishing.’

‘If that’s the case, Madam, why have you got two trout in that bucket?’

‘Ah them, well, that one is Mavis and that one’s Mary they’re my pets and I bring them down to the river every day so they can get some exercise.’

‘That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.’

‘No it’s not. What I do is, I tip the fish into the river down there, take a walk up there, until I get to the bridge, then I put the bucket in the water, tap the side with my stick and Mavis and Mary swim back into the bucket.’

‘I don’t believe a word of it,’ said the warden. ‘You must think I’m stupid.’

‘Look, I’ll prove it to you,’ said Alice and she tipped the trout into the river.

‘Right,’ said the warden. ‘ Now, lets see you get the fish to swim back into the bucket.’

‘What fish would that be?’ Asked Alice innocently.

Copyright Fred Watson

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This is One Hell of a First Date. What is Left From the Brain Damage Has Melted and Ooooozzzed Thru My Ears Onto the Floor!!!!

2008-08-05T23:13:00.001-07:00

I had a preminision today after I dropped my parents off at the airport. This preminision told me to purchase LOTS of legal note pads and pens and altoids which I thought I would need tonight!! Your preminision of Indian food is amazing!! When I lived in the DC area for 11 or 12 years, I can't remember, as you know there is an amazing blend of cultures in the northern VA area.(god i miss VA sssoooo much, it realy captured my hear). Okay i am talking in circles which is a bad sign. anyhow, i had so very very close indian friends that when i was invited for dinner at their house my ass would show up three hours early just to smell the curry! However, I seem to gorge myself anytime I have indian food and as a result my stomach does not agree with this method of gorging. and there is no way possible i am going to POOP in your bathroom for our first gathering. so I will have to travel to home or the nearest gas station!!!!

Speaking of VA. My places of solitute and the seaking of peace from the very fast pass the the DC metro area. Great falls. VA side for humor watching those domb ass kiackers studding their egos trying their best to battle the waters. I always found it so humorious when they tipped over and tried to get back up. Great falls Maraland side. The sound of the waters flowing thru the rocks. Such a beautiful site and sound. Last place of solitude, Shannondoah national parks. Loved stopping my car and just looking into the beautiful valley that was so quite and still especially during the fall to see the most incredible colors...but the traffic was a bitch during the fall season... I love you, I love you, I love you...Please write me so I don't feel this is a one-person date.

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Caricatures: an Historical Encounter

2008-08-05T23:07:00.001-07:00

Humorous or demeaning, caricatures have always captured the attention of people from all walks of life. Caricatures, in their very essence, have a human appeal, which tend to exaggerate or distort a personality. These interesting portraits can be utilized either for fun or for political reasons. The term ‘caricature’ has its roots in the Italian language (‘caricare’), meaning “to charge” or “load”. The English doctor, Sir Thomas Browne, also provides an early definition of this word in his book, Christian Morals (first pub.1716).
Expose not thy self by four-footed manners unto monstrous draughts, and Caricatura representations.
with the footnote —
When Men's faces are drawn with resemblance to some other Animals, the Italians call it, to be drawn in Caricatura

Hence, “caricature” can ideally be called a “loaded portrait”. A number of renowned artists believe that a caricature should be a depiction of real-life people only. On the other hand, Walt Disney extended the bounds of this art by creating caricatures of animals that worked as human-like characters.

The art of caricature drawing has evolved over the ages. From the hands of Leonardo da Vinci, this art has now reached new heights in the hands of modern artists. As an instance of Impressionism, Leonardo da Vinci brushed excellence on canvas by using deformities of people as his models. Gianlorenzo Bernini (1598-1680), one of the earliest known practitioners of the art, was hugely popular for his skill in portraying human essence in barely three to four brush strokes.

Caricature, thus, saw its childhood days in the lap of French and Italian aristocratic families. In the 18th century, this art gradually spread to Britain, thanks to the contribution of Thomas Rowlandson (1756-1827) and James Gillray(1757-1815). Caricatures of Rowlandson chiefly drew inspiration from public figures. Gillray, in contrast, laid more stress in satirizing political life through visual representations.

The contributions of George Cruishank, Honore Daumiere, and Thomas Nast in the 19th century took caricature art to an altogether different level. They were chiefly renowned for depicting social and political caricatures. The 20th century saw further rise in the number of social and political caricatures. Besides, caricature portrayals are also being used in the corporate and advertising fields. Mort Drucker, Robert Risko, David Levine, Sam Viviano, and Sebastian Kruger are some of the notable names today.

The art of caricature has thus traveled a long way to be recognized a completely unique art form. Humorous yet meaningful, caricatures will remain as long as the human society exists.

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Chicken in Malay Language

2008-08-04T22:39:00.001-07:00

Men spend a lot of time with them, grooming them for cockpit fights. They rule the roads in rural areas. Everyone wants it this way, to make them ten times tastier than Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yes, chicken is an integral part of Malaysian life and idioms as well.

The first unofficial rule to learning Malay language idioms is, don't be levelheaded. A mother hen pecking around with a brood of tiny fluffy chicks is often used to symbolized motherly love. However in Malaysia, a "mother hen" when applied to a woman means she is a madam in charge of a brothel. Similarly, "father chicken" is a pimp. A man who doesn't work as a pimp can still be considered as the "father chicken " if he doesn't bother to take care of his children. So be careful, parenthood related to chicken is gross insult.

Next, you might like to learn to tease. Has anyone ever say to you he wishes to buy you a drink... but you know he does not mean it? We Malaysians call this "chicken invitation". This is probably due to another proverb " the warmth of chicken dung" which cools off quickly, referring to short-lived enthusiasm. Therefore "chicken invitation" even if the intention is genuine, lasts as long as "the warmth of the chicken dung", which is about five minutes.

"Chicken feet" is barefoot, a common sight in the rural areas ; also used to pull the legs of people who forget to put on their footwear. A chicken seems to scrawl on soil while looking for morsels. Of course no humans can decipher their writings. Hence, "chicken scrawl" is hardly legible, illegible or ugly. Hopefully your handwriting is not on a par with the chicken's. I better tell you when a Malay offers you "chicken scrawl", he is serving a delicious traditional Malay snack which has nothing to do with the idiom of the same name. "Chicken blindness" mimics the inability of chickens to see at dusk, also known as "night blindness", is a disease that has find its way into the collection of Malay idioms does not necessarily imply the person concerned is becoming blind. Mostly, it is to tease people who cannot see well at night such as drivers who should use eyeglasses.

The Malay speaking world must be so fascinated by cockfighting sport that a macho, daring guy is a kind of black speckled "gamecock". Don't start reasoning to yourself that a male chicken's instinctive urge to make rivals of all males of the same species is not equivalent to courage. Remember the first rule. Sometimes, gamecocks are tied to mooring posts reminiscent of gladiator fights. As the owner uses his best fowl in this instance so a "tied-up chicken" is the key player in sport matches, especially football, where he is expected to contribute towards victory. In English, "chicken" is hardly a hero but in Malay it is. Strange and true.

The second unofficial rule in learning Malay idioms is to accept its volatility. "Decoy chicken" was used to picture a human playing the same role. It seems this chicken is eaten up by a tiger that enters the trap and disappears from the list of Malay idioms. Not only "decoy chicken", many other "idioms" have either changed their meanings or quietly went missing in action.

Regardless of the consistently inconsistency of Malaysia's idioms, many of them inspired by the ubiquitous chicken will stay on, bwak!

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Life Insurance - A Funny Story

2008-08-04T22:35:00.001-07:00

A life insurance broker named Steve was always the top salesman for his company. In fact, he just completed his 8th straight year as the number 1 insurance agent when he decided it was time to hang 'em up and retire.

His best friend and partner James took him out for a drink one last time - on company time, of course. James asked, "Steve, you're the best life insurance agent I've ever seen. For the past 8 years, you've been outselling everyone. And every time I ask how you do it, you never tell me. Now that you are retiring, let me in on your secret. How do you sell so many life insurance plans?"

Steve thought for a moment. "You know what, James, you're right. I do have a secret to selling life insurance. I've kept it to myself for all these years. But now that I am retiring, I can't think of a better person to keep it alive than you. So, I will tell you how I do it."

James started to get more excited as the thought of having this wonderful knowledge coursed through his mind. He could hardly contain himself.

"Tell me, Steve. What is it? I'm dying to know."

Steve took a sip from his drink and leaned back on his chair, scanning his surroundings to ensure that this top-secret data would not fall into enemy hands. He then leaned forward and began to speak.

"James, when you first start, you have to tell them about all the features and the benefits of the plan. Make sure you tell him - and always him - that it is his duty as the man of the house to protect his family. Doing otherwise would be considered a failure as a husband and as a father."

James seemed unimpressed. "Everyone does that, Steve. You know that. That isn't very insightful."

Steve did not seem concerned with James' protest. "Easy, relax. Just listen to me, and it will all become clear." Steve took another sip while James sat both anxious and nervous.

"Now," Steve continued, "during every presentation, I always suddenly stop my pitch and ask the client if he is feeling OK. Inevitably, he will always answer 'yes' to that question. When he does, I look at him in a strange way. And every so often, I will ask if there is anything I can do for him. Maybe get him a glass of water or if he wants a moment to himself."

"Interesting approach" replied James. "How effective is it?"

Steve looked around and then looked James square in the eye. "To be honest, it rarely works. But, it's the next step which always hooks them."

James could no longer take it. "Steve, please tell me!"

Steve smiled. "I always say: 'Please don't let me scare you into making a rushed choice. Sleep on it tonight. IF you should wake up in the morning, please give me a call and let me know. I'll by DYING to hear from you."

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Between Will , Honesty and Good Thinking

2008-08-02T22:42:00.001-07:00

Will has got two elements - -1) Knowledge 2) Action - The later is the consequence of the earlier , action cannot happen until three things are fulfilled:

-Knowledge- human do not do anything without having knowledge about it

-Will – human will not do not anything, even if he know unless he has the has the will

-Strength – and power is necessary to implement will.

The 3 follow sequential order to make an action and this make action (sinful, pious or lawful) a fruit of will and will a fruit of knowledge.

At this junction it very important for us to know each other, and this another place where the basis of differences in us and God lies – If we don’t know ourselves, or about God, we can never love ourselves , others or God. Therefore mind need to be linked with acquiring knowledge and therefore strength of mind to make right choice .Likewise there is close connection between mind and body-the mind is the ruler and the body is the servant, so priority lies on which one to take care of .Also of salient point, is that action without intention is not fruitful to us and we must make sure we translate our intention into action and this is where the questionof loyalty comes in.

Loyalty is nothing but truthfulness in talk and action with sincerity. Six things that characterized a loyal person are:

-Truth in talk , Truth in will ,Truth in promise , Truth in fulfilling the promise , Truth in action ,Truth in our relationship with the creature

All this reflect in our inner thought and outer thought-balancing our outward conduct with inner thought is important measure of how truthful we are! This is where where conscience actually get gnerated from --- from experience when we do the bad , it is based on false ,and the generated conscience w hich become awound for us to heal - who want to get wound - it hurt to get one, in the contrary , when se do the goo d, will know it is good , because it is based on truth -

Virtue of thinking good --They say 1 HOUR ACT OF GOODNESS IS BETTER THAN 1 YEAR OF DIVINE SERVICE, Bingo ! this is why good thought is the key to light, deep insight, door to various knowledge and path to understanding. It is important for us to incorporate good thinking in our mind, thinking good is like mirror that show us virtue and vices, thinking good is the brain of wisdom, when human mind try to think of good there is lesson in everything. IN A NUT SHELL DOING GOOD IS BETTER THAN ALL WORK, NO MATTER WHAT - Good thought is the basis to good action, and it remain something that comes out of knowledge and condition of mind. This make it clear that , the creator is actually interested in that among us – and that is why many things are different so that we can actually practice good will , that extend to act of sharing and loving , caring and that give of ultimate happiness.

Thought is like the flame of light of knowledge as fire appears between iron and its strike on stone. If fire appears ,eyes see. Before these eyes could not see ,as a result of this sight, arouses the entire limbs of the body for action. Similarly, light flashes mind ,while it sees the real nature of each things. It changes the mind which could not see in darkness. Following this, depending on positive or negative side, the object of thought can be categorized into;

Vice – This has to do with part of our body, like using our tong to backbite Virtue- This has to do with obligations, if we have made right judgment Vice of destruction –anger, hatred, jealousy,,idleness, greed , etc Virtue of salvation –patience, gratefulness, hope, love, modesty, truthfulness etcVirtue of salvation is pretty related to God, we must try as much is we can eliminate vice of destruction, while acquire all virtue salvation.

we must know the fact that, the only way to think about God is by thinking about things that he created , do not think over God, beause we cannot realize his power that way– the only way to realize is power is by thinking about things that surround us that he made - wonders.

The signs of creation that we can always be reflected about are :

-Things we can see between heaven and earth - sun , moon , star,earth , mountain river , ocean , moving animal’s , plants , birds / cloud rain , hill, storm, thunder , wind , rainbow, etc. and of couse Things we cannot see – like the creation human from sperm and egg, angel, jinns, devil- breaking this down further:

-World and its contents- Like the eco-system , the differences in us , the miracle in plant for food and cure , practically everything God create is useful and has benefit .

-Mountain and mines – The product of mines – gold, silver emerald, salt think about it

- Sign in the creation of creature – we animals that fly, those that craw on belly, those with four feet, the way each construct their habitat, we could not have done their work with all our might, do you think that the animals do all those things on their own and they have no teacher .all this prove how mighty is God. Yet we are the mightiest of all creation.

- Hydrodynamics and worldof ocean- like the position of heart in water, earth is like a small island in the big ocean.

- Aerodynamics and the worldof air - sign in air and airing things – the organs which can touch cannot touch the air, when it flow , eyes cannot see it , the horizon of the air itself is like the an ocean .everything in it vibrate just as wave of the sea. If something filled up with air is drown ,itwill not drown – on the other hand if someone filled up with water is thrown upward in the air , it will come down the earth – then look at gravity , weight and strength of the air,. take a piece of iron put it in water , it will go down ,neither above water nor in air, so air does not go down the water despite its light weight .God keep the boat above water as the boats are full of air . Then look to thing in air -cloud , thunder,, lightning ,snow, ice- the cloud bear expanse of water that driven and to distance land to deliver benefit of water and rain .

- Heaven and stars , sun and moon – look at the sun which revolve round its axis for one year, taking its course everyday , if not we will have no night or day , change in its position course change of season- winter , spring , autumn-when the sun decline to one from its axis then come winter, when it remain in the meridian, there appear summer season-astrologer have proven that the sun is 160 times the size of the earth. The greatest star is more than 120 times the size of the earth.

-Then look to the creator how He put the sun into the interior of our eyes, despite its vast figure and energy .look how kept the heaven without pillar, look at abode of the earth how he created and sustain it .the ant living at the corner of the palace do not keep information about the grandeur of the palace, its attendance, majesty of its owner, so also we live in this vast earth and do not keep information about the mighty creator and His attributes- these are the foods of reflection and ponder , we must think about its creation and not His being ,and this way we can learn about His glory , prowess and power and this couple with good deed rich in honesty will give us good intention to direct us for good will and reciprocal good action .

To this end , we can see it so wonderful , and He so merciful, H e does not spank for doing bad , He just human , he knows no matter what the best among us are always there .Alas , nobody can blame on ignirance , because we are given all tools, tolearn , and use what we learn to make decision -- the power choose is a great thing about freedom and of course to choose right and do good ,,,,which h is so much interested in --- we have no choise anyway--- because LIFE AND DEATH IS ACTUALLY MADE TO KNOW WHO ARE THE BEST AMONG US .

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2008 Calendar - Get Free Online Printable Calendar and 2008 Horoscopes

2008-08-01T23:30:00.001-07:00

Calendar is a page that shows the dates, days and months of a year. It usually contain numbers, text and illustrations. One can find various kind of illustration on calendars like charts, diagrams, drawings, locally drawn pictures and photographs. For years popular notion of calendar is one that hangs on a wall with all the numbers and adorned with beautiful natural scenery, or photos of God, saints or famous personalities. But with changing times we have seen sea change in the area of calendars. Online calendars are in vogue. One can easily view and select a calendar from pool of sites showcasing astonishing and enticing calendars.

History of Calendars-

The history of calendar dates back to the Chinese. In ancient times from Romans, Greeks to Mayan and Aztec all had advanced calendar systems. It was used to predict eclipses, moon phases, sunrises, sunsets and weather changes. These calendars were remarkably accurate.
Modern day calendar is the Gregorian Calendar, which is also termed as the “Christian Calendar,” traditionally used to designate the calendar originated in pre-Christian Rome. It was proposed by a Naples physician XIII and is based on the tropical year. This calendar was foremost used by in United States of America and most European countries. It has total 365 or 366 days (leap year) in the year. It is divided into 12 months consisting of 30 or 31 days, along with the parallel system of weeks in sets of 7 days.

Shift from Julian to Gregorian Calendar-

Julian calendar was introduced by Julius Caesar in 45 B.C, but this calendar showed the error of 1 day in every 128 years and hence the tropical years shifted one day backwards. Other reason was the method of calculating the date for Easter was inaccurate. The calendar was used until in 1500s, when countries switched to Gregorian Calendar.

Utility of Calendar-

Calendar informs us of important days like festivals, birthday's of God and Saints, advent of seasons, as well as cycle of moon.
Calendar helps us keep the track of our lives on day-to-day basis.
It keeps our fast pace world organized and helps us work systematically.
It informs us of important days and festivals like Christmas, New Year, Valentine, Thanksgiving, Easter and lots more.
It helps us reschedule and set important work assignments, and business meetings we must attend.
Calendars is systematic way to get information of social gathering, family functions, travel trips and celebrations.
One can write important information or mark dates on calendar and just a glance through it can inform us our daily or weekly schedule.

Free Online Calendar 2008-

Online calendars are electronic calendars that can be easily found on computers and cell phones.
Gone are the days when people used to buy calendars from the market. Now various sites online displays array of distinct and fabulous looking calendars. Just surf the net and flip through the pages to select a calendar of your choice.

Online calendars are in vogue. Firstly they are free calendar and users don't have to pay a single penny from their pocket. All your need is Internet connectivity and one can save time, money and energy to go to the market and get a calendar.
Secondly, one can find calendars in various patterns and eye-catching texts. These calendars are highly creative and merges attractive fonts and images. Users have plenty of options to choose from Online calendars from various sites.

Printable Calendar 2008-

Various sites have posted: 2008 calendar online. One can easily download the calendar or take its print for further reference. Users can afford great collection of calendars and enjoy a different view every month.

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Gift for All Beautiful Kind and Righteous People on This Planet

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I pray that God grant us the

Serenity to accept the things we cannot change

Courage to change the things we can change

Wisdom to know the deference

Serenity to accept that life is about living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time

Serenity to accept that hardship is a pathway to peace

Serenity to take this world as it is, and not as we would have it Serenity to thrust that He will make all things right, if we surrender to His will

I pray that God grant us reasonable happiness in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in this life and the hereafter.

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Money, Money Everywhere

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Money, Money Everywhere

Have your thought about all of the different ways that you can make money? There are different ways to get people to visit your website. Now I am referring to those that will purchase your products.

Use all of those resources out there that are available to you. Don’t just look at the obvious. When it comes to advertising, we thing of banner ads, PPC, Adsense, and then there are links, and so on. Wait, there is more out there!

Here are the top three places that you need to place focus on:

Use Article Directories:

Now you may be thinking how can these help me? When you write your article you include your website link. That is just a small part though.
Most directories allow you to do a bit of advertising in your article. One must work this into the passage. One thing to remember is that many times this link needs to be below the fold.
The views of these directories are outstanding.

Here is a list of the top ones:
Ezines
Articles Base
Go Articles
Squidoo
Group.yahoo.com

Social Media Groups:

These groups are a great way to meet a wide variety of people. You can narrow down and accept or reject a certain person. During conversation, postings, and blogs, you may also advertise. The larger your group grow and the more views, the greater your exposure.

Here is a list of the top ones:
Facebook
Twitter
MySpace
Flickr
YouTube
Digg.com
Technorati.com
Del.icio.us
Stumbleupon.com
Fark.com
Furl.net

Blogging:

Write articles and include links. Many will allow you to do a small amount of advertising. This type of exposure is fantastic! Blogging is a way of life now.

Here is a list of the top Blogging sites:
Hubpages
Wordpress
Digg
Squidoo
Blogspot
Blogger.com

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How to Remain Focused

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All you young things just out of college and taking the first step into the professional world! Success is something that comes with hard work and commitment, and it would do you a world of good to just follow these simple tips which will lead you to a bright future.

Here are five steps to help you achieve success in every endeavour. This may not ensure that you never face any problems, but can help you remain focused towards your goals.

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Book Review- Mackbeth

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Macbeth by William Shakespeare is eleventh century classical tragic fatalistic drama, art as they say, is one philosophy that goes beyond science, because a good artist can see what many people cannot see, art comes in different form anyway, shakespare was one artist of those time, when people spill blood any how, when human refused to know their values, the importance of what we are, when human refused to know the reasons why we exist, and what is our missionon this beautiful planet, who are we???. Lack of understanding about this is what has led to war after war, clan seizing clan and enslave them until the point where by, they sell human in the market either in the face of gun by buyer or the oppression of the opportunist powerful seller on the less powerful. How can we equate our achievement with mass destruction of people with blood spill—I hate blood anyway , killing another human is the greatest sin that God will never forget anybody—killing can be in many ways also….but I tell you the bloody one is still more critical. we say we are civilized, I don’t think so, for many years the French have put up an adage that” quand il change ca ne change pas”. Which means the more it change, the more it remain the same -this is just too true, especially in reference to what we call society. In effect, it has not change in its essential from what it was in the past even thus we tend loosely to think of civilization as progress- I frankly no longer believe in that concept- but I respect human for what we have gone through in life, sometime for how we do it , but w hasve changed little since, we began to pretend we are civilized and the same thing may be said of our society. It is like we have been running in a loop for a long time, I just wish another age of enlightment will broke out to put this proverb obsolete.

Macbeth is a satire drama , that tell the fact that anybody who spill blood or colaborate in the process will never see good at the end of his or her time, they will leave as reckless people , people with no rest of mind , some will loose their brain , some will keep seeing bizarre thing that will be disturbing their life untill the time come to go . The story of Macbeth is about ambitionat its excess, believe in false myth, like status quo, witch craft, things loaded with uncertainty, dominion project of opressioonp. It is a story that advice all of us to recognize the virtue of patience, and wait for GOD time , because HE has good plan for all of us .we must endure hardship that comes with hard time to get to the right time made for us by GOD. It is also about how best and worst those who are partners in our life can save or ruin us depending on the level of their understanding about life and it purpose and level of anbition and how to patiently and honestly pursue it ar, it has been true for a long time that woman true ,ly creative force of life, most of good one are extremely intelligent , and the bad one are also more to the other side of the spectrum. that is why they say , beside every successful man must be a good woman- alas this goes vice versa with men in relation woman, i mean beside every successful woman must be a good man......ha,,ha .because the pendulum of life do really swing in two ways. The story also, is central of matter of gratitude, when we are given a chance or opportunity or reward or even favor, we should thank the giver and return the good with good, even it is equally good to return bad with good. Everything will come back to you anyway. Everything in the planet synergies and works almost in the same way as,there is no drain in environment or physical world is it for social world and the way nature is designed is to teach us reality – if you doubt this ,I advice to make a simple experiment just go and plant a tomato and see if something will be harvested.

being ambitious is good as long as you don’t spill blood, cheat others, and your conscience thumb up tor. Ambition is good, and acting on ambition is great, but not by spilling blood or maiming people, because we people are very important to the creator it is only in His hand lies the power to take the soul . Believing in witchcraft, or project links to killing is definitely not good, is a choice on the left side of the spectrum, if you doubt me, you take a minute to listen to your conscience.

Macbeth was too ambitious, because he was given prophecy that he will be a king. And he can’t wait to be the king, the wife can even wait a second, she advised Macbeth to kill the king , the king Duncan known to be a good king, a good king that has taken care of his people that is feared and loved. Macbeth was a fierce and war great warrior know at that time, yes, people can easily entrust their livelihood on a warrior , but sometime how we get there is what determine what our performance will be like. He killed the king , what follow such killing eliminating every other good people linked to goodness.,,,,my friend not only that battle of conscience – ONLY IF HE CAN KILL CONSCIENCE—Banquo was equally given prophecy that he will be nohing but his generations will be kings, but yet he decided to follw things as he coe and refused to force drive the ambition , we will see in the story, that the upright peeple will always end it well --lets see how it goes.

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Diabetic Treats:

2008-07-31T22:30:00.001-07:00

What is it about diabetic cooking that makes it seem tasteless, bland or really difficult to get right.

I was a partisier chef for a while in the UK and baking was an everyday occurrence to me. You had to cater sometimes for up to 500 people baking different things to perfection but for the life of me I cannot seem to find a good recipe for diabetic treats. Mothers day was a blast, we had a nice barbeque, braai, barby (what ever you call it) and since that special lady in my life is diabetic but loves her treats, I decided to find a recipe on the net and to make her a nice sugar free citrus cake. I followed the recipe step by step using exact measures but what came out was a disaster. Instead of treating her it looked like I wanted to kill her with a 5kg home made brick. Needless to say this went down with a laugh and I now use it as a citrus smelling doorstop but the point is no matter how hard you try you can never seem to get that diabetic treat just right.

Huletts came out with a brilliant product called Sugalite which is a sugar replacement. I have seen it in liquid and granular powder forms and you are supposed to be able to use it in baking and all other cooking methods but it still does not do what I would like it to do.

Maybe it’s just me or the recipes I’m finding are completely s*^%@ but I just can’t seem to get it right. If anyone out there has recipes, please don’t be scared to pass it on to a desperate cooker.

The world would be a better place without illnesses but at least let us try to make things easier for those that suffer from them.

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Why You Should Indulge in Very Funny Videos

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Why You Should Indulge in Very Funny Videos

Do you spend a lot of time with work and other responsibilities that require you to be focused and serious? While it is necessary to focus on some things, you should always make time to have a good laugh and smile, or simply chuckle to yourself. There is no better way to do this than by watching a few very funny videos at the end of the day. There are some very funny videos out there that are just a few seconds in length that will not take much time out of your day, but will definitely add some enjoyment to it.

Something to make me laugh

There are a lot of very funny videos out there, but when you visit The Comedy Net you will have access to some of the most hilarious videos on the Internet. Whether it is people who aren’t thinking, animals, politics, or something altogether different you will find that you can get your laughs through some of the videos on this website. What is great is that there are so many videos to watch that you’ll never run out of laughs and there are new ones being made and added to the site every day. As your interests change or you learn about new things you will still be able to find new videos that will make you smile, chuckle, or laugh right out loud.

There are Very Funny Pictures, too!

In addition to all of the great videos out there, there are also a lot of very funny pictures for you to enjoy. Every day amateur photographers and professionals are catching funny images of just about everything from animals, complete strangers, and even well known people that are downright funny. If you like to see others make fools of themselves or you just enjoy those images that were never meant to be seen, you needn’t look much further than www.thecomedynet.com. Here you will find a large gallery of very funny pictures that will have you snickering to yourself, in fact you may not be able to stifle your laughter after looking at what you thought was just a simple picture at first glance. And that is what is so great about this site!

Funnies Serve as Levity

Having a rough day? Need something to make you smile? Why not find your laughs in something simple such as a video of someone slipping up and saying the wrong thing or just acting goofy? Why not check out some pictures of some truly funny stuff? Even if you are having a really rough day, you are sure to get a great laugh out of some of the things that you’ll find in the form of very funny videos and pictures. Sometimes all you need to do is take the focus off of your problems for a minute and laugh and things seem much more manageable than they did before.

Create Conversation with Very Funny Pictures

Are you always looking for something to talk about while you stand around the water cooler or waiting for the subway or elevator? When you check out some of the funny videos you’ll suddenly have something to talk about! You can say, “Hey! Did you see that video about…” and suddenly you’ll have the interest of all of the people around and you can send them to check out the video. When you are always checking out very funny pictures and videos you’ll always have something to talk about and you may find that people seek you out to tell you that they saw the video that you recommended or ask you if you had seen another. Funny things are always a good ice breaker and when you visit The Comedy Net on a regular basis you will never run out of material for conversation starters!

Co-workers, friends, family members, and complete strangers will likely enjoy hearing about the funny things that you have seen or experienced, and when you can share them with them you’ll get a sense of satisfaction, as well. Just about everyone has access to the internet these days, so why not tell someone who looks like they’re having a bad day where they can find something that will make them smile?

Watch Very Funny Videos Just for Fun!

Sure, you can watch very funny videos and look at funny pictures for a whole host of reasons, but the best reason to watch them and seek them out is because you like funny stuff! If you have a great sense of humor there are a lot of great opportunities to laugh and share in the humor that the world offers. Where some people see ordinary things, others like you, see funny things that make this life worth living. Everywhere you look there are funny things going on, but a lot of the time we don’t see them. When you look at videos and pictures you can see what others have taken the time to see, and enjoy them thoroughly!

Are very funny videos and pictures not enough to keep you interested? How about if you could submit your funny pictures and videos and share them with other people? Now, that would be a lot of fun! Of course, you could also enjoy humorous quizzes, tests, games, stories, jokes, and more! You can get all of these things in just one place, too! It doesn’t seem to matter what mood you’re in, you will be able to find something really funny at The Comedy Net because there is something for everyone. No matter what your sense of humor or desire to be involved in the creation of funny things, this is a place for you to be! You’ll never run out of funny things to see or do when you visit this site, even if you visit every day.

There are a lot of instances where you need to be serious and responsible when laughing may not be appropriate, but what would life be like without laughter? You don’t have to find out! Instead, you can spend just a few minutes every day laughing at things that are truly funny including pictures and videos. If you take just a minute you can make sure that you laugh at least once a day, and you know, it’s good for the heart!

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1. Mark Wilson’s Complete Course in Magic by Mark Wilson

2. A Book of Magic for Young Magicians : The Secrets of Alkazar by Allan Zola Kronzek

3. Now You See It, Now You Don’t Lessons in Sleight of Hand by Bill Tarr

5. The Royal Road to Card Magic by Jean Hugard and Frederick Braue

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Romantic Cards - Get Free Love Cards, Online Romantic Card for Him or Her and Friendship E Cards

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Love is the most beautiful feeling to be experienced, and the pleasures of this experience can be enhanced by gifting the dearly loved one, the right kind of Romantic cards.

Romantic cards express love and romance in the most exquisite way, and are perhaps only second to expressing the emotions in your own words. Well! Nothing could beat the feeling of expressing your emotions by looking straight into the eye of your sweetheart, but just incase you want to make the occasion more magnificent or establish the feeling before hand, you could gift your beloved a nice romantic card.

Romantic cards are the ideal means to express your love and affection to the one you care for and they can be presented on all days and occasions, as each day is an occasion to celebrate when you are in love!

A common saying goes, ‘it is difficult to define love’. However this task is definitely made simpler with love cards. Yes… Love cards not only assist you in expressing your love to the most significant person in your life, it also helps you a great deal in making that ‘special person’ in your life feel all the more special and warm. With interesting quotes and heartwarming poems written in the love cards, what else could one expect but emotional bonding and expressing the feelings in the right way?

Romantic cards are not restricted to only giving one to the most beloved person only while on dates. You could gift a love card even on his/her birthday. Romantic birthday cards are available everywhere. From attractive flower images to the most serene landscapes and from soulful thoughts to interesting quotes, they carry everything on them to wish the beloved a very Happy Birthday. There are several online romantic birthday cards also available and they are very convenient to be presented even to the ones staying far, just at the click of the mouse. Definitely, distance could never pose as a barrier to expressing your feelings, not any more.

After all, online romantic cards are available in an attractive selection and you could add your own thoughts and feelings to them as well other than the pre-described quotes already written on them. These cards are also available online in both animated and non-animated versions as well.

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Play Harmless April Fools Day Pranks on Your Friends

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It was in the year 1998 when Burger King launched an advertisement in US Today to announce the introduction of a brand new addition to their menu: "Left-Handed Whopper". It was specially designed for the 32 millions of left-handed Americans. Burger King said that the “Left-Handed Whopper” was made up of the same ingredients as the original Whopper such as lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc., but the only point of distinction was that all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees to benefit their left-handed customers. According to the advertisement it was all about the special customer care for a special day – the April Fool's day. A follow-up release was issued the next day revealing that the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax. But the most interesting fact was that Burger King was barraged by a huge volume of orders for the 'right-handed version' of whopper.

Lorraine Thomson, Marketing Director of Burger King UK said, “Everyone knows that it takes two hands to hold a Whopper, not one.” She said that it was an April Fool's Day joke – a simple approach to put bright curves on people's faces. After all, they are in the business of serving delicious food and all they wanted to do was make it really fun. There's no better way for Burger King to gather all their customers together and celebrate the April Fool's Day together. It was also a unique way to remind people that left handed guys might often have difficulties doing certain things that right handed people could take for granted.
April Fool's Day is a day to make fun and that spirit of fun is usually at it's peak that day. Quipping April Fool's Day jokes and playing pranks on your friends and coworkers are what the celebration is all about. The spirit of fun is at the full swing when you know that you get to play pranks and jokes on people and just get away with it. But what is important to remember is that you should put together a good assortment of safe and funny April Fool's pranks to pull on your friends and acquaintances. Practical jokes have often proved to be really flop and have often pulled down the spirit of April Fool's fun, although some really safe practical jokes still works perfectly. Just make sure it is safe, fun filled and harmless.
You can put lemon juice in your friend's water and when he would take drinks of it, his face will surely make other guys around him roll with laughter. You can superglue some coins to the sidewalk that has a lot of people walking around and watch people trying to pick up the coins. Playing practical April Fool’s pranks on friends like these may be really hilarious as long as they are not harming and hurting others. Let your jokes add spice to their April Fool's day celebration. The goal should be to bring smiles to people's faces; not tears in their eyes.

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It is perplexing how most men seem to think that women can't take dirty jokes. Admittedly, we tend to draw the line at certain things (anything devaluing women can't be funny...unless we're talking about women who ALREADY demean themselves – like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian). But we can be just as dirty as the next guy. We may not be telling them twenty-four-seven while drunk on beer and laughing our heads off, but seriously. Women can have dirty minds, and get some of the sleaziest jokes in the world. I am a testament to that, actually. I have been corrupting the innocent since 1998, and my cuteness – in conjunction with my filthy, filthy mind – have shocked the masses.

It might have started when I first got my hands on one of my mom's romance novels, which taught me about sex and showed me the marvels of innuendo. Or it may have been when I was even younger, when I thought that swearing was funny and eventually took pride in being dubbed by my father (as he introduces his family) as “my older daughter; she's the one who swears”. Or maybe it's because I practically grew up in the 90's, when disgustingly inane shows like “Ren and Stimpy” or “Beavis and Butthead” were the height of comedy. It's not that clear, really. In any case, I am not at all ashamed to say that I have an entire database of off-color humor lodged in my subconscious, rising at the most inopportune (but slightly appropriate) moments. Believe me, it's something else entirely to end up thinking of something disgusting and politically incorrect when talking to your grandmother about cats.

The difference, as I may have mentioned before, may be that women tend to not indulge in inappropriate humor as regularly as guys do. Maybe it's women who make jokes like that tend to be thought of as “easy” (in the case of jokes of a sexual nature) or worse, “one of the dudes” (in the case of jokes that involve bodily functions and pranks). Either way, dirty jokes tend to make women either unappealing as a romantic interest or fail to attract the attention of the right type of men. Some women don't care of course, but others take finding a decent man very seriously – and you can't find a decent man using fart jokes and other kinds of dirty humor.

But being the kind of person that I am, I marvel at how easily I break people's brains when I say something as nasty as the “Aristocrats” joke (look it up) and THEN smile innocently. My friends and family have developed an immunity (although my mother protests my habit of saying things like that for the “shock factor”), but acquaintances tend to stare and gape, not quite knowing how to react. The fact that I engage them in extremely intelligent conversation afterwards just boggles their minds even more, as the disjoint becomes even more palpable.

I realize that my mother may be right, that I'm collecting all these disgusting jokes for later use as a means of getting a lot of attention at parties, but at the same time, I wonder if I hold on to these offensive bits of humor because I have become sick and tired of the idea of men who tell them being barely given a reprimand and even defended with the line “boys will be boys”. I am far from being the traditional feminist who think that men should pay for their crimes, but sometimes I just wish that women are allowed to say something inappropriate just to let out some of the pressure – without the fear of being judged for it.

Personally, I think I'm lucky to be surrounded by people who understand that the way I talk doesn't necessarily have to reflect who I am. Persons can be totally smart but have an extremely juvenile sense of humor. At least, it should be allowed. I refuse to believe that the down and the dirty should be limited to men or the uneducated. I don't plan to be uptight about anything at all.

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Remembering victims of HIV / AID- Need for modest strategies to fight HIV/AID
I write with deep sorrow for the death of innocent people, children who have lost life, physical and nature’s war.

I want my condolences and deeply felt sympathy to go to the loves one they left behind and all people on sincerely value steadfast revolutionary role for a better world and through their writing , art , emotion etc.

We know so little ofthe state of departed soul,since such knowledge is beyond us, and is ot necesary to a god life, when we have no help, nothing remain but to look up to higher power who isthe best aleviation of the loss of friends.

AID, has came to join one the debacle that inflicted humanity as a natural war, 25 years ago. It has killed more that 20 million people, infected more 40 million people, remain one of the greatest enemy of human civilization just like war.

Through Humanity has lost valuable personality, intelectual , revolutionaries, men treasured with wisdom and sence of humanity .

Many has been story told about origin of aid which has involved much finger pointing , how can we find solution without knowing the actual source of aid , what really started and what is the wisdom such cause is looking for.One faction will say it is from Africa , another faction will say it is from gay, and the diference between these two is clear to allof us.what is really going on.

Many has been promised made and propaganda about finding solution to this deadly disease. Little has been sincerity offered by stakeholders.

Yet we can never blame the merciful god because, he left everything we would need to take care of ourselves.

They say “For every ailment under the sun, there's a remedy or there's none. If there's one, find it. If there's none, never mind it”

The fight against aid has involved a big challenge ever for humanity.

Like problem of making peace, like problem associated with war and human, sense of togetherness and responsibility has been a big barrier to solution for AID.

Society disease of unnecessary competition through greed, superiority complex, status quo or what I will call arrogance has taken toll in blinding us human from seeing the most significant insight into finding solution to our problem.Today , you wil lnes that tradition medical practitioner found a remedy , tomorow the moder practiional will denie instead of compromise-- what is it with human .?

HIV/AIDS issues have been view wrong perspective that has involved associating it with sexual connotations to it. Every aspect of the discussion involves sex ever since its first appearance.

Is it not time to for us to address the root cause of the problem. Yes HIV/AIDS is all about SEX. 90% of the HIV/AIDS victim gets infected through sex. What can we do about this?

HIV issue has become more or less a problem of pollution; it is abstract, full of uncertainty, and many things we still can’t see.

This why it is important to apply the PPC (PREVENTION, PROTECTION AND CONTROL) doctrine, We must control it, and for areas we can exercise control we must apply appropriate prevention and protection mechanism by all means to reduce case of HIV.

HIV/AIDS issues should be address through SEX, that is to address the
issue of SEX Education. Maybe have Sex Education in schools as a
Compulsory.

Many pretend and shy a way on talking about Sex..some places , it is considered as tabous, whereas they like so much and they do it so much but the issues of HIV/AIDS grows. If we start talking about sex education, we would definitely reduce the number of HIV/AIDS cases.

With Sex Education we will be able to share knowledge and information which is needed to fight HIV/AIDS ie..

• Reproductive health
• Transmission
• Choices
• Sexuality
• Economics & social pressures
• Voluntary & confidential counseling
• About dating
• Their rights & responsibilities

With better understanding in the above issues people are able to
make good decisions on Sex, condom usage and how to prevent HIV/AIDS.
This way we can spread out this message and aware /prevent society from HIV.

Above all we should not forget that rational tranquility in the prospect of our own dissolution can always bereceive only from the promises of HIM in whose hands are life and death.

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The Journey of Gilgamesh-wisdom and Goodwill= Immortality

2008-07-20T22:12:00.001-07:00

Gilgamesh quest for imortality end up to discovery the purpose of life-
In Babylonian legend, king of Uruk, is the hero of the Gilgamesh epic, It tells of the adventures of the warlike and imperious Gilgamesh and his friend Enkidu. When Enkidu suddenly sickened and died, Gilgamesh became obsessed by a fear of death. His ancestor Ut-napishtim (who with his wife had been the only survivor of a great flood) told him of a plant that gave eternal life. After obtaining the plant, however, Gilgamesh left it unguarded and a serpent carried it off. The hero then turned to the ghost of Enkidu for consoling knowledge of the afterlife, only to be told by his friend that a gloomy future awaited the dead.
Gilgamesh started a journey to discover the cure for death ,he must be a curious person-- it sound mythy thus, he went through hurdles, he fought monsters, he risk his life , but after he got the plant just a mere sleep took immortality from him , then he has to come back home empty handed, lucky he was loved for what he has done , he has built great during his reign and he could finally claimed that he actually got immortality because his name is written in plata of gold in the front of the city for leading challenge to build great civilization among is people. Also, he was a bully in his earlier life but he finally became a good person, example of this lies how he met Enkindu who does not even have 1 single cloth - but Enkindu has wisdom and the sixth sense to see beyond, and this is what raised him - But since nobody knows tomorrow, is better to be good all the time .

What we are going to learn in the story of Gilgamesh?
The stories of Gilgamesh tell us about a triad of human experience:
(1) Our relationship with ourself , ourprophet and God
(2) Our relationships with each other and "Self";
(3) And our relationship with the natural world and the other species that inhabit it. The first category is the house of cosmogony, theology, death, and destiny.

The second, the reside of agriculture, culture, humanities and science, civilization, technology, and genuine warfare. Then there is the planet earth, our environment and stories of homo sapiens living on the land and sea. The categories overlap, evident in seminal essays like "The Land Ethic" where Aldo Leopold suggests that the law of ethics, the evolution of human rights, will be extended to include the land itself and all species that inhabit it.
Mythology of State/ Mythology of Self: a common theme in mythology which underscores the tension between the individual and what the individual desires (private agendas) and the individual and the obligations to the group in which he or she lives (public agendas). Ultimately in most stories the outcome demonstrates how heroes come to understand the necessity of community and thus come to see themselves more clearly as interdependent members of a particular group or society.
Triumh and Tragedy: the twin pillars at the Lion's Gate of Western Thought. Triumph is the genre of the romance/ adventure where the hero overcomes all obstacles; it is the story of unlimited possibility regardless of the agony one faces. In Homer, Odysseus epitomizes the hero who gets it all. On the other hand, Tragedy is about limits to human freedom. Tragedy teaches the consequences of excess. However tragedy as a genre can still be a celebration of life as in the end of the Oresteia.
Someone once said that our secrets are all the same. While I believe in universals among humans, the notion seems difficult to realize in a world of such diversity. In truth, perhaps the best of all of us do share a common hope: to be at peace with the world, to come to terms with the failings of love and the ramifications of hate, to shed the strategies of division that systematically teach us to think narrowly. I believe that mythology often includes a bewildering story of a hero's capacity to do good, to be a living creature with soul and reason--regardless of the agony of life. In this, a great many of the mythic voices are consistent even in the matter of details.
1. The individual in the world, particularly in relationship to others and to the natural world.
Begin with the assumption that storytelling is vital to human health. In History , our relationship to the world at large has been, in part, the story of ethics and humanity, the actualization of equality and peace through narrative art. The central theme of Gilgamesh begins with a simple question: Gilgamesh is portrayed in the prologue as an oppressor or tyrant. What happens to this view of him as the story progresses?

Other themes are worthy of in-depth discussion. Heroes are people who know secret things. Plato's allegory of the cave characterizes the place of the hero within the world. Are heroes ever to be pitied?
2. The limits of creative imagination and human possibility. Gilgamesh pushes the boundaries of known human experience.
3. The significance of history
4. The quest for peace.
5. The role of wilderness in shaping human identity and consciousness
6. Nature and culture: the coming of Enkidu
7. The hero's journey: Joseph Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949) delineates the stages of the heroic quest--the call to adventure, the aid of mentors, the crossing of thresholds, the trials and tribulations, the supreme ordeal, the road back, and the revitalization of the community.

Enjoy the poem of his journey:
The one who saw all [Sha nagba imuru ]I will declare to the world,
The one who knew all I will tell about
He saw the great Mystery, he knew the Hidden:
He recovered the knowledge of all the times before the Flood.
He journeyed beyond the distant, he journeyed beyond exhaustion,
And then carved his story on stone.
The skies roared with thunder and the earth heaved,
Then came darkness and a stillness like death.
Lightening smashed the ground and fires blazed out;
Death flooded from the skies.
When the heat died and the fires went out,
The plains had turned to ash.

Father, let me have the Bull of Heaven
To kill Gilgamesh and his city.
For if you do not grant me the Bull of Heaven,
I will pull down the Gates of Hell itself,
Crush the doorposts and flatten the door,
And I will let the dead leave
And let the dead roam the earth
And they shall eat the living. The dead will overwhelm all the living!
The house where the dead dwell in total darkness,
Where they drink dirt and eat stone,
Where they wear feathers like birds,
Where no light ever invades their everlasting darkness,
Where the door and the lock of Hell is coated with thick dust.
When I entered the House of Dust,
On every side the crowns of kings were heaped,
On every side the voices of the kings who wore those crowns,
Who now only served food to the gods Anu and Enlil,
Candy, meat, and water poured from skins.
I saw sitting in this House of Dust a priest and a servant,
I also saw a priest of purification and a priest of ecstasy,
I saw all the priests of the great gods.
There sat Etana and Sumukan,
There sat Ereshkigal, the queen of Hell,
Beletseri, the scribe of Hell, sitting before her.
Beletseri held a tablet and read it to Ereshkigal.
She slowly raised her head when she noticed me
She pointed at me:
"Who has sent this man?"
The gods shook like beaten dogs, hiding in the far corners of heaven,
Ishtar screamed and wailed:
"The days of old have turned to stone:
We have decided evil things in our Assembly!
Why did we decide those evil things in our Assembly?
Why did we decide to destroy our people?
We have only just now created our beloved humans;
We now destroy them in the sea!"
All the gods wept and wailed along with her,
All the gods sat trembling, and wept.
I [Utnapishtim] released a dove from the boat,
It flew off, but circled around and returned,
For it could find no perch.
I then released a swallow from the boat,
It flew off, but circled around and returned,
For it could find no perch.
I then released a raven from the boat,
It flew off, and the waters had receded:
It eats, it scratches the ground, but it does not circle around and return.
I then sent out all the living things in every direction and sacrificed a sheep on that very spot.
At one time Utnapishtim was mortal.
At this time let him be a god and immortal;
Let him live in the far away at the source of all the rivers.
O woe! What do I do now, where do I go now?
Death has devoured my body,
Death dwells in my body,
Wherever I go, wherever I look, there stands Death!
For whom have I labored? For whom have I journeyed?
For whom have I suffered?
I have gained absolutely nothing for myself,
I have only profited the snake, the ground lion!

When Gilgamesh returns to Uruk, he is empty-handed but reconciled at last to his mortality. He knows that he can’t live forever but that humankind will. Now he sees that the city he had repudiated in his grief and terror is a magnificent, enduring achievement—the closest thing to immortality to which a mortal can aspire. The story tell us that life is about doing good, when we do good , we will remain alive forever, Analyzing leaders that have done good and comparing them with tyrant show that they weekend are easy to forget , that also that human actually goodness .
The story also shows that - Life is a journey toward wisdom (experience + knowledge /goodness + love) to building community and raises a good generation, not toward death. After we die, we will surely go somewhere where we shall account for these things - the reality of this lie in the short sheep we have every night, and of course the seasonal color change of the plants every year- the fact that we remember good people forever show that we are made in the name of goodness, and goodness is immortality -.
Thus, Gilgamesh set out on journey and quest to seize the fruit of immortality- life is sweet and he really want to enjoy it forever , he risked everything , he was determined , he got there -but no, matter what he cant come back with the precious fruit of immortality -- but he end discovering nothing but the purpose of our existence and living --- wisdom and goodwill-- the importance attached to this to build develop great society and raise good kids or protégée that will make a good generation .

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The Gift of Laughter

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The Gift of Laughter

For adults birthdays are no longer days of parties, games and fun. Birthdays become more subdued.
Change that four you friends and family. Just because you’re getting older is no reason to be dull.

Spice up the birthdays you celebrate. Consider some of the following great party ideas.

1- Like the TV show Survivor, have a survivor party with games and don’t forget the tribal counsel,
Vote someone off every hour (or ½ hour depending on the size of your guest list).

2- Host a game night, dig up all those games you loved as kids and invite your favorite friends over
to play them again.

3- Casino Night! Make sure to send your guests a poker chip that can be cashed in for a stack of
Chips to play some casino favorites.

4- Live in a large neighborhood or near a wooded area? Hide a prize and create clues and send your
Guests on a treasure hunt.

5- Host a murder mystery nights. Kits for such a night are available at various retailers. After your guests have submitted an RSVP, send them information on the character they will portray and ask that they
Dress in character.

6- Have a magic night. Challenge guest to bring their best trick with them/ Be sure to offer a prize for the
Best trick by popular vote.

7- People attend wine tasting all the time, mix it up. Try a beer tasting party with beers from micro
breweries and imported beers. Don’t forget the pretzels (and designated drivers).

8- Pick an era in time and have guest dress for the time. Find games, music and decoration to match
your selected area of time.

9- Character night. Have guests dress as their favorite character from movies and television. Image
Celebrating with Captain Jack Sparrow and Spiderman!

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Visit: http://www.tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=Ellingsp

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Getting Used to Sustainable System Design - the Case of Ship and Ocean 2

2008-07-17T23:46:00.001-07:00

Getting used to sustainable system design - the case of ship and ocean 2

6.2 Policies and procedures build-up - collision preventions and control -Although ships may spend 90 – 98 percent of their operational lives underway at sea speed in deep water, it is during the mandatory beginning and end of every voyage when the risk of collisions, and groundings are highest. Ensuring the ability to maintain complete and positive control of a ship’s movement during these segments of a voyage is absolutely vital if that risk of navigation safety and protection of the marine environment is to be reduced. According to INTERTANKO’s 1996 Port and putting bigger and bigger ships (and more of them) into the same old channel:

· The design limit for trim by the stern for a tanker is 0.015L in accordance with Regulation 13 of MARPOL 73/78, Annex I. This information, which is based on tests conducted in deepwater, includes a turning circle diagram as well as tables showing time and distance to stop the vessel from full and half-speed.

· IMO Resolution A601 (15), which was adopted in 1987, contains recommendations for ensuring maneuvering information is available on board ship.

· The 1995 Seafarers’ Training, Certification and Watch keeping Code, Section A-VIII/2 part 3-1, and article 49 require the master and pilot to “exchange information regarding navigation procedures, local conditions and the ship’s characteristics.”

· A Marine Board study assessed the use of numerical simulation technology to train mariners and concluded that while modeling accuracy is sufficient for deep-water operations; modeling requires refinement to provide the accuracy needed for shallow and restricted water operations.

6.3 Ship design policy build-up -In 1971, IMO adopted Resolution A.209 (VII) establishing recommendations regarding posting maneuvering 9 Regulation II-1/29.3.2 of SOLAS requires rudder movement from 35 degree on either side to 30o on the other to occur in 28 seconds or less.

IMO approved circular MSC/Circ.389 in 1985 establish interim guidelines for estimating the maneuverability -Rudder size and effectiveness, Ability to transit at slow forward speed, Propulsion and propeller characteristics, Number of available engine reversals, Adequate horsepower for control, Extra reserve rudder angle needed to allow for ship crabbing from wind forces or moored ship suction, Visibility from bridge and bridge arrangement, Hull form squat (trim and sink age) characteristics and effect of bank forces on moorings and passing ships, Air draft, Emergency anchoring ability, Amount of tow line leads and line access.

7.0 Current Ship design practice

Existing design tools cannot, at least with any degree of reliability, be used to design a vessel and ensure it will ensure environmental reliability and adequate maneuverability in shallow or restricted waters neither can it be use to satisfy demand need by clean ships . In part this is because of the extreme on-linearity of hull and propulsion characteristics under these conditions. In general, naval architects and marine engineers are educated and equipped with knowledge, skills, and design processes that permit continuous checking and balancing of constraints and design tradeoffs of vessel capabilities as the design progresses.

The intended result of the process is the best design given the basic requirements of speed, payload, and endurance nor where the waste is going. Focus is not placed on how the channels and waterways are designed. Perhaps even more importantly, there is a general lack of understanding of the operational scenario regarding piloting of vessels in constrained waterways. Only recently has there been a real attempt to fully integrate human operational practices with vessel design. The involvement of human beings onboard vessels both extends and restricts the inherent vessel maneuvering capabilities vastly complicating the necessary methodology for assuring safe and efficient operations. Taking waste issue and restricted waterway maneuverability as an important part of ship design spiral would seem a necessary step to enabling proper tradeoffs in vessel design. The reality is that maneuverability and pollution protection is still not an important consideration in ship design of many merchant ships. The result is that design decisions that can compromise environment and collision are decided in favor of other factors. Only with consideration of the full range of ship and channel design and human factors relationships affecting maneuverability will we be able to produce an efficient and safe environmental friendly marine transportation system. Now that the new issue of environment is around, then we have to squeeze in more stuff in the spiral.

Table 1 – parameters s demand and impact

Environmental parameters

Environmental Demand

Impact areas

Ship design,

Need for longer safe life cycle

New limit definition, Correct material selection, Material technology, Quality control of safety and environment

Construction

High worker safety standards, Low energy input

Improved hull hydrodynamic,

Emission

Minimum pollution and emission, Minimum Sox, Nox and green house gas-Zero discharge

Advance Close loop process on board,Waste recycling equipment, Improve training

Scrapping

Zero harmful emission

Beneficial disposal

Operations waste,

Efficient maneuverability

Improve maneuverability

Energy

Maximum fuel efficiency

Engine design, use of alternative energy

Antifouling

Harmless

Biocide free technology

Ballast water

Zero biological invasion or transfer of alien species

Segregated ballast tanks, Improved ballast water tank design, Ballast water treatment, Ballast water data base

Sea mammal

Interaction

Maneuverability capability

Safer ship structure design, Improve maneuvering capability, Navigation AID, misinformation, Exchange, Reeducation

Accident

Able officer, Ship structure, Integrity

New monitoring through port sate control

Fire

Harmless

Halon phase out

Wave wash of High speed

Marine craft

Zero inundation and spray ashore

Moderation of hydrodynamic force

8.0 Mitigation

8.1 Shipboard and waste emission outline –treatment and elimination - Pollution Prevention (P2) or Pollution Control-this is backbone of the thrust in achieving clean ship. Pollution Prevention Use fewer environmentally harmful substances and generate less waste on board. Pollution Control: Increase treatment, processing, or destruction of wastes on board.

The basic P2 principles follow:

Eliminating the use of environmentally harmful chemicals, such as ozone-depleting substance (ODSs), toxic antifoulant hull coatings, and other hazardous materials, may be the best approach for some potential problems.

Fig.2-Treatment and emission

Reducing the amount of waste we generate on board is often better that treating it on board: for example, reducing the amount of plastics and other packaging materials taken aboard may simplify solid and plastics-waste management? Similarly, reducing the volume of liquid wastes generated (such as graywater) may simplify onboard liquid-waste treatment.

1. For the wastes and hazardous materials that cannot be prevented, we must develop pollution-control strategies and technologies.

Other technical mitigation measures are:

Antifouling

Toxic approach uses other metals such copper and zinc, or agrochemicals e.g. triazines

Fouling release approach use physical properties of low surface energy coating cause the very weak attachment of fouling organisms. E.g. silicone based coating

Fouling deterrence –marine organism not know for fouling like corals are use

Mobile hull cleaning is also being use operationally

Ballast water discharge

On board treatment – chemical (chlorination), physical treatment (Ultra violet light, heat treatment), filtration and cyclonic separation, shore base treatment is sometime being used but not common.

Operational mitigation based on information of biological difference between coastal ocean water where ballast and ballasting is done accordingly.

Air emission

Sulfur reduction in bunker fuel

Nitrogen reduction to choice of propulsion system

On board Cataleptics system like charlatanic converter, water injection, emulsion

Operationally sped reduction and use of shore power connection has been implemented

8.2 Ship collision control and prevention outlines- Most accident are attributed to a flagrant controllability problem and the remain the classic impetus necessary to make improvements to safety and environmental protection, and we e need to do more to ensure adequate vessel maneuverability perhaps better matching of vessel, channel, and operational practices.

Ship maneuverability as major iterative element of design spiral-ship maneuverability is not considered particularly important during the design process, because Owners generally do not include maneuverability requirements as part of the design specification; Firm deep- and shallow/restricted-water maneuvering standards that can be applied during the design process should be established.

Modeling and simulation -Collection of data using dual frequency DGPS receivers and proper analysis needs to be supported to enable unlocking our understanding of restricted water operations.

9.0 Environmental technology

9.1 Recent development coalition control work -Environmental technology also become hot as issue of environment start burning, this might be a start of another evolution, as environmental technology product will start selling good.

9.1 Recent environmental performance

1 Ozone safe substances- 200-Ton Air-Conditioning Plant Conversion Kit -The CG-47and DDG-51 plants have been successfully converted to the ozone-friendly refrigerant HFC-236fa conversion kit has been established by NSWCCD.

Solid waste - Solid-Waste Pulpers -The pulper (especially the large pulper) is the machine into which you dump tremendous quantities of paper, cardboard, or food waste. The waste mixes with seawater to form slurry, which is then discharged overboard. Studies show an immediate 100,000-to-1 dilution when discharged into the wake of a ship. Ships equipped with a pulper can dispose of their paper, cardboard, and food waste just about anywhere and at anytime—at sea including MARPOL areas.

Liquid waste - OWS and Bilge water Polishers: Many bilge cleaners the Navy uses today contain long-lasting emulsifying agents, which produce stable oil-in-water emulsions that shipboard OWSs cannot effectively process.

Shipboard Wastes and Emissions

To improve the reliability of sanitary waste system sewage transfer-pump suction and discharge gauges, naval research laboratory the ring-gauge isolator is adopting, Thermal Destruction and integrated liquid discharge system, the later is a concept where ultra filtration membrane systems would concentrate bilgewater, graywater, and sewage (as previously described); the clean effluents would be discharged; and the concentrates would be evaporated/incinerated in a thermal-destruction system.

9.2 Recent development coalition control work - A number of promising developments that exist today are:

1. Kutsuro Kijima showed a modeling approach that permitted analysis of passing situations that would help set procedural standards for safe passing.

2. IanDand reported on the development of models for ships squat that have shown very good accuracy over the years.

3. Larry Daggett described the advent of dual frequency DGPS receivers and their role in gathering full-scale ship trial data. In addition to the excellent horizontal accuracy of the normal DGPS receiver, these receivers provide vertical location with an accuracy measured in centimeters.

10.0 The future

There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain of success than to take a lead in the introduction of a new order of things because the innovation has for enemies all those have done well under the old conditions and lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under new.

Machiavelli, the prince

Recent Safety and Environmental Strategic focus on developing metrics to measure and evaluate progress. The key issues and actions are incorporated in the clean ship concept. Ships owner and operators must understand the need to include wastes stream management in mission requirement in the design stages, with the goal of ships being in compliance. Ship designer must pursue technologies to reduce or eliminate waste streams. The metrics use to monitor progress towards achieving environmentally sound ships will focus on shipboard pollution control equipment installations, specifically the planned versus actual installations. Each waste stream or environmental pollutant, equipment installations, the percentage of total installations completed versus the planned percentage, will be used as a measure of progress for that waste stream. For waste streams and contaminants for which no equipment has been approved or anticipated, the metric will born many R&D for necessary findings . We must take a lead in effectively integrating pollution prevention and safety into the design and life cycle of our ships, systems, ordnance into the execution of our processes, and into the operation. Managing the whole process is another thing; environmental management can be optimizing by incorporating the following concept in our system:

Goal based , risk based and holistic design approach

Total cost minimization concept,

Innovative safety and environmental strategy management and integration,

Planning for uncertainty and risk, R(P1c) = R(E1) x W(E1,P1) + R(E2) x W(E2,P1) + R(E4) x W(E4,P1)

Where: R= rating, E= environmental factor, P= Policy factor

Probabilistic and stochastic validation

Education and training

11.0 Working better by working together

Amazingly, it seem that everything is need to be integrated in order for the world to function, this sounds ironical, even thus the environment has naturally integrated everything, the same apply to maritime on issue of safety and marine environmental impact control and protection, it is important to for the main players in design (pilots, regulators, channel designers, simulator experts and ship operators),and all concerned to share experience Regarding differences in rules and among regulators, about rules that are taken too light , sensitivity of area, degrees of hazard for various ship types ,Naval architects and ship handlers alike should take the importance of importance green house and green ship issue and (and difficulty) of the passing maneuver unrestricted waters .

Environmental issue has become so sensitive because it is more or less of evidence that nature has exercise enough patience, impact has reach flash point and those who are knowledgeable about the behavior of matter and environment could sense potential of contagious chain of reaction that can lead to heavy calamity destruction and lost. Treating the issue equally required hybridizations of all the methodology we have been using- objectives and subjective, reactive and proactive, and of course newly holistic institutionalized method that compare and consider trend analysis of every elements of what we are dealing with.

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Road to excel

Towards excellence in what you do

Fixing the flaws- It is natural to have imperfection in the process of achieving excellence, what separates the excellence from mediocre performers is the determination to correct faults that undermine their desire to be all that they can be- as Oliver Cromwell put it “the person who stops being better stop being good”

Find your sweet spot- finding that niche, talent or interest where excellence can be achieved is a great way to maximize your efforts. Use your sweet spot to energize dramatic performance breakthroughs, protect your value and prepare the way for bright future.

Focus on doing your best- in world that is moving very fast like our world, some people lower their standards and expect less than excellence from them instead of accepting less than your best, improve upon your personal best.

Towards happiness in what you do

Infuse your work with passion

Good is never enough

Give your best to what matter most

Tap into your talent

Build a better you

Make things happen

Success is where you find it

Be a team player

Loosen up …lighten up…Have fun

A good leader:

Respect for God

Desire for good

Forgiveness

Tolerance

Patience

Hospitality

Respect for laws

Respects for the learned

Fairness for the weaker

Attentiveness

Avoidance of fraud

Avoidance of hypocrisy

Avoidance of backbiting

Between a boss and a leader

The boss drives his men, The leader inspire his men

The boss depends on authority, The leader depends on goodwill

The boss evokes fear, The leader radiates love

The boss says” I”, The leader says “we”

The boss shows who is wrong, The leader shows what is wrong

The boss knows how it is done; The leader knows how to do it

The boss demands respect, The leader commands respect

Word play

Persuasive words in English – starting with most powerful:

MONEY

SAVE

RESULTS

EASY

HEALTH

SAFETY

LOVE

DISCOVERY PROVEN

GUARATEE

Someone try to use them as a slogan and came up with : YOU CAN SAVE MONEY WITH GERM-GONE, THE EASY –TO –USE PROVEN NEW DISCOVERY THAT GUARANTEES YOUYR HEALTH AND SAFETY . YOU WILL LOVE THE RESULTS!

Powerful words in English

Thank you

Would you please?

What do you think?

I am proud of you

However the mostly persuasive and most powerful is YOU

Adapted from 12 simple principle of happiness at work by Glenn Van Ekeren

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Geordie was sitting in the club nursing a pint of Fed Special and staring moodily out of the window at the rain when his mate Dave arrived.

‘Bloody rain,’ said Dave as he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair.

‘Aye, talk about summer; it’s hardly stopped since May,’ replied Geordie.

‘That’s the British weather for you.’

‘Aye, but it would be nice to sit in the sun occasionally.’

‘It’s nice in Cornwall.’

‘So?’

‘So, we can visit Mal.’

'What, your cousin Mal? The one that likes a gamble.’

‘He’s into casinos now, worth a couple of hundred million, got this big gaff on the coast.’

‘And we just turn up there?’

‘No, I’ve got an open invitation, all I have to do is send him an email.’

‘Well, what are we waiting for?’

Two days later they drive up the mile long driveway to Mal’s place of residence, Shangri-la – I know, I know, what can I say? – and park between a Ferrari and Bentley.

The butler shows them to their rooms and informs them that Mr Thompson expects them for drinks by the pool in an hour. A quick shower, a change of clothes and they make their way down to the pool – it’s an Olympic size salt water pool, carved out of the rocks at one end of the private beach, next to a large lagoon. The decking that surrounds the pool is heaving with people and as they look around they spot Mal at the other side of the crowd. He waves and pushes his way over, ‘Hello Dave, long time, no see.’

‘Hi, Mal, great looking party,’ said Dave and turned to introduce Geordie.

But Geordie is staring towards the lagoon, ‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asks.

‘Yeah, it’s a Great White.’

‘Is it your?’

‘No it just appeared a couple of days ago, there’s underwater entrance into the lagoon from the sea.’

‘Will it be able to survive in there?’

‘No, but it will eventually find its way back out again. In the meanwhile I’ve got a bet on with that consortium of Chinese over there, that I can find somebody brave enough to swim one length of the pool, after I’ve let the shark in.’

‘You’re joking!’

‘No, I’m deadly serious.’

With that Mal gave the signal to open the gate from the lagoon and in due course the Great White swam through. Mal picked up a bullhorn and crowd quietened. ‘Ok here is the deal,’ said Mal, ‘anyone who jumps into the pool, swims one length and get out the other end in one piece, can have their hearts desire. They only have to tell me what they want and it is theirs.’

No one made a move, the silence deepened, suddenly there was a splash and Geordie was in the water and swimming like the clappers up the pool. The shark turned in behind him; his arms and legs were going ninety to the dozen. The beast began to close in, Geordie looked behind and his arms and legs became a blur as he sped up, he reached the end of the pool shot up the steps and collapsed on the decking.

Dave and Mal raced to his side, Geordie lay there gasping for breath.

‘You did it,’ cried Dave.

‘Tell me what you want,’ cried Mal

‘I want…’ gasped Geordie.

‘Yes?’

‘I want to get…’

‘Yes! Yes!’

‘I want to get a hold of the prat that pushed me in the pool.’

Copyright Ó Fred Watson August 2007.

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Funny videos have become a hot and happening stuff among web surfers these days. Video sharing sites like You Tube, Big Think, Daily Motion or Google Videos are the central hubs for enthusiasts who desire real-life entertainment. These video sharing sites are earning huge popularity, especially amongst the younger age group. Creating these funny videos is not an easy task. This involves a lot of creativity to tickle the funny bone of the spectators.

Some of the key elements that go into the making of a successful funny video include:

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Any work of art demands innovation to arouse the interests of the spectators. People do not enjoy watching similar stuffs again and again. A one-time super hit subject fails register popularity, if used in another video after a point of time. Hence variations are highly important to tie down the audience to their seats. Funny video creation also demands thoughtful planning. A funny video can either be an animation or a live action. Hence the subject matter of the video should match with the type of the video being produced.

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